. . .



Australia is a land of biological mistakes
  -Johnston Reesor

Yay!  Evil radioactive bees for sale!
  -AllonI Kramer

I think that maybe pot roast makes men reasonable. I'll have to make pot roast 
more often.  On a related note, I think that getting yourself and your guy 
invited to a hypothetical orgy should qualify as "being a good girl."
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

He and four other people improvized a scene.  Blindfolded.  Barefooted.  On a 
stage covered in set mousetraps. It was one of the funniest things I've ever 
seen in my life. You know the old saying, comedy is when someone else loses an 
arm, tragedy is when I stub my toe?  It's so, so true.
  -AllonI Kramer

Happy Lundi Gras, everbody. It's time to get drunk! OK, it's frequently time to 
get drunk. But now you have another excuse!
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin
 
"I'll be there, with bells on.And maybe pants if I'm feelin' magnanimous.Later 
I'll take stock of what's in the medicine chest, and engage in a lively round of 
debate with other guests about the various and embarrassing ailments you may 
have." I love attending parties where the threats begin in the RSVP process. So 
far, 6 % of invitees have RSVPed (including two hosts). One of the hosts and his 
pet have been threatened with violence, the other host has been asked a possibly 
uncomfortable question about her love life, and Fiona has threatened to act like 
Fiona. Oh, and one invitee said that he can't attend because he has to be a 
Templar that night. I love this place.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

"It's like working for a four-year-old boy on a massive caffeine high and a 
permanent and yet very small erection."
  -From Transmetropolitan

I'm in an English class, y'see, in case you didn't know.  The teacher, in 
disgust, has made us go over some grammar, do a bit of grammar worksheets, and 
all that.  We had to complete sentences properly.  Basic stuff. So once we had 
filled them in, she made each of us read one in turn.  And by utter coincidence, 
mine was: "After __I bathe in the blood of the innocent__, I always feel 
wonderful." They're worried about me.
  -AllonI Kramer

Them Canadians and their wacky misadventures!  Why, if they keep going like 
this, we might hold off on formally turning them into the 51st state long enough 
to have a good long chuckle at their hijinks! Hopefully this will offend 
someone.  I'm bored.
  -AllonI Kramer

Early withdrawal. It's not just a birth control method anymore.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

And, incidentally, God hates figs.
  -Nori Essen

how to pick on Canadians: I've been through fake Canadian money, fake Canadian 
food, fake Canadian college degrees, and Canadia. I'm running out of pick on 
Canada material. Please help.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

Overheard at the office:  "This guy's read too many books. He thinks the world 
is evil and out to git 'im."
  -Nathan Winant

The woman's character had clearly faltered. Was this the same Marsha I had 
fallen in convenience with? Was this the same Marsha who would pull a trigger in 
the name of "a learning experience"? Was this the same Marsha who had taught me 
how to securely tether a child?
  -Nathan Winant

Are there any heroes who fight crime by committing crime? Besides the CIA, FBI 
and New Orleans PD, I mean.

Not if mob-style vigilante justice isn't a crime, and, really, why would it be?

  -Dr. E. Von Obnox 'n AllonI

YAY! It's Anal Sex Month! My boy'd better be coming over tonight. My strap-on's 
getting cold.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

Oh my. I didn't realize that blowfish carried "decorative buttplugs."
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin  (under the sea...)

The only moral message I could get from this movie was that it's OK to be an 
officer in a Fascist army of occupation, as long as you're charming and like 
music a lot. All in all, I give this one two pairs of tighty whiteys with 
skidmarks, a clove of rotten garlic, and a dented can of "potted meat food 
product".
  -Dr. E. Von Obnox

Today is a battle. Today, I go commando.
  -Nathan Winant

it has begun.  you are now an apostle of the otherworld.
  -Johnston Reesor

You! In the corner! FETCH ME A CHEESEBURGER!
  -Nathan Winant



Official Abducted Poetry Of The Month:  (Nathan Winant)

Into Dunswick where I found you naked

Leaping upon rabid monkey love rods

I took a new dollar from my wallet

And bought your ass a ripe pomegranete


How I do like to play pinball naked

It makes the moose escape hippy baked

How I do fear that round little chrome sphere 

That ricochets my brain through empty days


It makes a man want to taste moose saltly 

It makes a man want to bra goose sally

It makes a man front to be an ally

It makes a man jiggle his fat boo-tay


I remember that first nighty we spent here 

The hosts were dead, and the service was poor 

Our love was too great for the native rats 

And the old bed fell through the second floor


I remember dancing with a nun corpse.

I remember dancing with a relapse.

I remember how you cried to ragtime.

I remember your smile as you collapsed.


I like to eat the moose.