|
|
|
Abducted
Bestest Friends Network
|
My advice would be to collect a lot of nazi memorabilia, and maybe spend some
time near an atomic test site.
-Nathan Winant
oh no, wait, or is this the self help book for the inter-dimensionally
challenged?
-Johnston Reesor
All I've ever really wanted out of life is the ability to transcend conventional
reality. Is that so wrong?
-Nathan Winant
this list likes you....
a.) because you are zesty
b.) because you are flavorful
-Nathan Winant
But... this does not make me happy. What good is the Internet if it doesn't
make me happy?
-AllonI Kramer
Is there ANYONE in the United Kingdom who is not secretly Rod Serling?????
-Nathan Winant
Besides, the Internet is not to make you happy, the Internet is to make your
mind full of the buzzing of flies.
-Derek Bradley
Flies buzzing != happy.
-AllonI Kramer
Attention. Derek has been replaced by a hussy. You may now return to your
regularly scheduled, um, schedule.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
What? You mean they PAY people to be weird? Awwww yeah. Bow chicka bow.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
Cuba has virgins?
-Nathan Winant
The hitler youth out the back have quietened down, there is a heaviness in the
air. Sounds deepen as the higher pitched noises are muffled by the increasing
humidity. I am sure there are Orcs about.
-Derek Bradley
I AM A BUTT PIRATE!
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
Your voices are like young fern fronds in the spring, awaiting the most delicate
of mastication. I must have more.
-Johnston Reesor
"Our software is cheap, just like you." An excuse, but it could be a legit one.
-Nathan Winant
Must remember to condition kids to enjoy being beaten.
-AllonI Kramer
What I call "duplex"
They have it "in" and they have it "out"
What do you think it's all about?
It's impossible to guess
Who will stick in whose tight ass.
-Spam, but amusing spam
I'll give you "two of everything", you salty little harlot!
-Nathan Winant
I would say "somebody please shoot me" but I know you people and I'm not looking
for any volunteers.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
Everyone knows the Rosicrucians.
-AllonI Kramer
I thought you liked to write funny stuff.
Yeah, and the world likes to laugh at my pain. It's a match made in heaven!
-Jennifer 'n Nathan
I'm starting to pay attention to my overseas pr0n spam, because of little lines
like this: HARD GIANTS - DIMENSIONS MEANS IMPORTANCE! ... and you know what?
That's just about the most profound thing I've ever received in email.
-Nathan Winant
I told you to cut off my mom's crack supply, you unfaithful bastard!
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
Sounds faboo! I love Tim Curry. Like a monkey! I love Tim Curry like a monkey!
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
I have a Lemony Snicket "Magnets of Misfortune" magnetic poetry set that was a
free giveaway at a book expo I attended. As I recall, Alloni made the sentences
"An unhappy orphan is like a book in disguise" and "The count of misery will
have what he wishes" on my refrigerator with the kit.
-Nori Essen
Fear! Fear my schizotypal avoidant wrath! Should you anger me, I will retreat
into my own strange little fantasy world for not very long!
-AllonI Kramer
It's relatively easy to dismiss the concept of spacetime, and to chalk it up to
some sort of (generally) useful ordering impulse, but motion remains. If we
accept that our current understanding of motion is basically superficial, and in
fact is utterly meaningless now that we've eliminated our convenient yardstick,
what the hell IS it? What is motion really? Clearly I have not done enough
drugs.
-Nathan Winant
I have in the last 9 months or so, begun to see people as political entities.
When they are particularly expressive, I superimpose cartoon images over them.
Currently in my grad students space I have a giant floating, yellow happy face
and another person that constantly has steam coming out of their head. I swear I
stand there and that is what I see if I relax as little. But then, they are
already walking parodies so this isn't quite as interesting as it seems...
-Johnston Reesor
i had a dream... ... where I naired my eyelashes.
-Nathan Winant
mail is wocky on my machine.
I read this as "There's a wookie on my machine."
-ghostxxx 'n Jason
"You, sir, are the Avatar of Lame."
-Nathan Winant
I am the Avatar of Surrealist Postmodern Irony, thankyouverymuch. And Luvbutter.
The Avatar of Surrealist Postmodern Irony and Luvbutter.
-Nathan Winant
It's official: Johnston is a catholic jewish mother.
-Nathan Winant
Yes, but to truly the phenomenon you must go back to the Nanaimo *bat*. Imported
from Japan a little under half a century ago to prey upon the red sickle beetle
that threatened the peaceful and just eisenhower reign, the nanaimo bat found
sustenance in the leftist gecko, the social security millipede, and the eggs of
the rational discourse condor, and hunted these species nearly to the point of
extinction throughout large parts of the south. The nanaimo population exploded
-- literally, spraying delicious, affordable stereo meat into run-down warehouse
districts and low-income immigrant neighborhoods. Converted into lofts and tapas
bars, these areas serve to perfectly preserve the succulent, fuel-efficient
delicassy, and to make this proud cultural artifact available to any american,
rich or poor, who can fork over fifteen bucks for an appetizer. ... Thus the
rise of the Nanaimo bar. I imagine Canada has a similar story?
-Nathan Winant
Rob: "Beneath Nathan's veneer of sanity--" Veneer of sanity? Nathan *Winant*?
After being interrupted and asked "Nathan has a veneer of sanity? Are we talking
about the same Nathan?" He clarified that it was a very thin veneer of sanity.
Very very thin.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
It's not like I just shake hands with someone and suck their sperm through my
skin to implant in my uterus.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin (riiiiiight.)
My Delicious Lunch Today:
- Honey ham.
- Hominy jalapeno & cheese casserole.
- Half a croissant.
- A tasty chocolate chip cookie.
- Your mom.
-Nathan Winant
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some natives to oppress...
-Nathan Winant
I like saying ah ha. It's a band name. It's a palindrome. It's utterly
meaningless. Happy!
-AllonI Kramer
Rob grossed out by me talking about picking maggots out of my uterus after
Alloni chopped it up, wrapped it in styrofoam peanuts and shipped it UPS
overnight. Can't talk about picking maggots out of my uterus while Rob's eating.
Wah. Poor baby.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
Today's quote comes from Philip Shenon of the New York Times: "...students and
employees have found themselves face- to-face with federal law enforcement
agents offering them a choice: Talk to us about thrill-seeking software piracy
gangs or face a prison cell." Software piracy is a THRILL SEEKING venture? And
here I thought it was just getting Microsoft products at their actual value.
-Jennifer Lynn Larkin
FEAR ME! I AM THE KILLER OF THREADS!!!!
Now why would you pick on poor innocent thread like that? All it's doing is
sitting around HOLDING YOUR CLOTHES TOGETHER.
-Dr. E. Von Obnox 'n Jennifer
We are the Schizotypal Avoidant Army
Every one of us stares
We all care about bizarre antidisestablishmentarian personal goals
Unlike the rest of you squares
-Nori Essen
everything I have read and heard and seen point to the fact that *I'm* a greater
threat to the US of A than Iraq
-Funky J (fear his awesome wrath)
Aye, a merry crispness to all. The Airing of Complaints shall be followed
immediately by the Feats of Strength, and the base of the Pole.
-Dr. E. Von Obnox
I'm unemployed, sitting around the house all day while my good wife works. What
makes you think there's ANYTHING holding my clothes together while I read
email?
-Dr. E. Von Obnox
Official Abducted Moment Of Peace Of The Month: (Nathan Winant)
I sat around for a while, reading, pondering. A middle-aged businessman a few
tables away yapped audibly, endlessly on his phone about some upcoming project;
all I could notice was his unabashed, pronounced love of the word "dude". After
many minutes of this an idea occured to me. I tore a slip of paper out of my
notebook, and wrote upon it:
I folded it in half and walked up to him; he did not notice me until I placed it
gently on the keyboard of his laptop. His expression was almost blank, as if I
were a secretary handing him a report he'd asked for minutes ago, and there was
no interruption in his conversation. I gave him a friendly but stoic glance, and
returned to my table and my reading. After a time he finished his call, and
began another. Eventually I finished my drink and left, without him ever
approaching me, without any noticeable change in his behavior at all.
Official Abducted Philosophical Moment: (Nathan Winant)
Would you take a placebo if it would favorably affect your life?
Let's say someone wandered up to you and gave you a choice: accept a placebo, a
pill or a philosophy or a religion or whatever, and have parts of your life
revolutionized. Maybe you'll become more intelligent, maybe you'll finally get
past emotional issues like poor self-esteem, maybe you'll be better at
relationships, maybe you'll be more creative... Whatever. And let's say, for
sake of argument, that if you agree, your memory of the conversation (and only
the conversation), or perhaps simply your knowledge of the nature of the placebo
_as a placebo_, will be removed or diminished or whatever, so as not to
interfere with its effectiveness. So that's the setup: would you accept a
placebo that helps you make a major, favorable change in your life, or would you
continue without the placebo, but also with a much greater personal struggle
than you might have had otherwise, possibly one that you will never overcome?
Would it depend on the nature of the placebo? Would you be more favorably
disposed if it were, say, a pill instead of a religon? What if it were a
personal philosophy? Would you try to go halfway, acknowledging to yourself that
it's a placebo and accepting that that knowledge will greatly diminish, perhaps
even totally negate its effectiveness?
Would you be a pirate?
Official Abducted Conversation With The Time Traveller Of The Month: (ghostxxx)
I spoke to Robby0809 on AIM today. Here is how it went:
Session Start (AIM - anubisxxx:robby0809): Wednesday December 19 13:31:31 2001
anubisxxx: your answer lies south of the Horn Mountain in the area known as
La'sha Baig
robby0809: please explain more
anubisxxx: I can not.
anubisxxx: You will find the answers there. I will be able explain this in one
week.
anubisxxx: But your time is short. Good luck.
robby0809: ok thanks
robby0809: do you know who i am?
anubisxxx: Yes. I heard of your problem recently.
robby0809: yes correct but what do you mean by: anubisxxx: But your time is
short.
anubisxxx: Exactly what it seems; Your time is short. I can not be specific.
anubisxxx: Have you been in contact with the one named Nagil Wad?
robby0809: not that i remember
anubisxxx: He told me you and he exchanged words. Please be certain. He may have
signed his name "nw"
anubisxxx: In any case, be wary of him. His tongue is forked and he has been
involved with the wrong sorts of people for quite some time. You may not be able
to trust him.
robby0809: i g=have chated with many people over the past few days i hostestly
do not remeber
anubisxxx: search your records if you value your goal.
anubisxxx: One week. I will be back.
*** You have been disconnected. Wednesday December 19 13:41:13 2001.
|