. . .



All weekend, nothing? This is saaaaad, people. NOW how am I going to
spend my Monday?
Work?  oops.  I'm sorry. This is a family list.  No swearing.  Won't
happen again.
  -Nathan vs. Chris Wayne

Please send copy of will. Insults and general mockery will begin
within 3-5 business days of receipt.
  -Chris Wayne

I have just realized that I've been whispering "backstabbing and
betrayal" over and over again to myself for the past several minutes.
  -Alloni Kramer

Oh no, Mr. Walton. I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy.  grey...
KILL.
  -Nathan Winant

Beware the slowgings, for they will not wait until you are finished.
  -Alloni Kramer  (full of myself, ain't I?)

*sigh* It is a beautiful thing, The Bridge of Death.
  -Chris Wayne

Is there a clock tower nearby? It calls to you.
  -Chris Wayne  (bribery works)

Maybe the bridge will get some better crash barriers, and perhaps a
paint job.  The bridge will like that.  It might decide to kill some
more people in the hope that it gets some neon racing stripes.
  -Felix

Beware, for I hear the gnomes in Austin carry concealed shotguns.
  -Derek

you don't have a choice in the matter, jello boy.
  -Bean

Of course, life in early America was tough -- dangerous nashy animals
everywhere, and natives who, if left unchecked, might very well
befriend EVERY LAST COLONIST.
  -Nathan Winant

i agree.. blowjobs are much worse than murder
  -Captain Weird

This list is not tasty recently
  -Chen Yogev

What's our goofy name, Nathan?
Uhm... Lent Treznor?
  -Michael Hale and Nathan Winant

Of course my birthday is the day after. I'll be 487 years old.
  -Garth Marlin

Penguins breathe through their young.
  -Alloni Kramer

Pez roulette!
  -Trevor Walton

Why does Australia own 2/3 of Antartica, with it's
bonus host of penguins?
  -Felix

Enemys I can handle. Its my friends I worry about.
  -Garth

my god, they are even in texas.texas.texas.  lets give them lots of
pez and run away
  -Karen Newman

First, a bit of background on myself: I like money.
  -Nathan Winant

When you expect the unexpected, normality tends to creep occasionally
in just to throw you off.
  -Chris Wayne

Only possible conclusion:  Majority of list members are splinter
personalities of Alloni.
  -Chris Wayne

I'm deeply offended and incredibly curious about how you found out.
  -Chris Wayne  (on a massive roll - does he have writers?)

Doing my, "I've been quoted" dance.
  -Garth

Shameless flattery will get you quoted.
  -Alloni Kramer

I just rubbed my mouth.  My hand came away bloody.  But I'm not
bleeding.  is this a sign from god?
  -Jonathan Mayer (with stigmata)

Amen, brother. If I knew how to parse the string, I would already
understand. If I already understood, I would not need to ask. To
attain understanding, one must already understand.  Thank you, Zen
Master Ghost. I will contemplate the lesson.
  -Chris Wayne

I don't like oysters. They wet their nests.
  -Garth

Just what the world needs. Sugar-coated voices in your head.
  -Chris Wayne

Ok, what should we discuss next? Getting stains out of latex, or the
post-modern metaphor that is Quiet Riot?
  -R&J Gassaway

there are several "clans" on abducted. Some such clans are Love Zombie
slaves and members of Alloni's bestest friends network. Some clans
overlap into other clans, ruining the purity of the people. You may
draw a Venn diagram if it helps.
  -ghostxxx

oh.  hi.  I'm back.  Mr Urc didn't kill me in Arizona, BUT THANK YOU
FOR BEING SO CONCERNED.
  -Jonathan Mayer

.. me?  I just work here.  Why should I care?  After my epiphany in
Arizona, I've decided to dedicate my life to Jesus.
  -Jonathan Mayer

I'll be the mango decorating the counter!
  -grey

All women are pretty much halucinations of a malnourished heart.
  -ghostxxx

and yellow, Gnomes are yellow.  But they wear fine suits.
  -Derek


The Official Abducted Off-Abducted Drug Interaction Tale Award:  (Jennifer
Lynn Larkin)

A few words of advice--Prednisone and hydrocodone do not mix well in
the female body.  This could be true for men, but it theoretically
shouldn't be as bad, I mean, unless they have a strange reaction to
testosterone, which frankly, I doubt.  As if the prednisone doesn't
have the insanely common side-effect of making you an emotional wreck,
the hydrocodone makes you all warm and fuzzy.  So basically I turned
into someone who wanted to cuddle on the couch or you'd better watch
your fucking ass because I'm coming after it with a big fucking knife.
 I'm better now.  And I didn't kill anyone.  I'm very lucky that way.


The Official Abducted Bear Tale Award:  (Jonathan Mayer)

My new friend explained to me how it wasn't enough for bears in
yosemite to simply attack and eat tourists anymore.  Now that they've
become all domesticated, she explained, they now attack and sodomize
the tourists they can catch: with their giant penises of steel, they
punch directly through any protective layers of clothing and leave
their victims with giant, bleeding perforations in their bodies.

She was telling me this story late at night, walking through the
forest, right before we stumbled right upon a pair of big black bears.
Fortunately, it was only a mommy and her son -- niether were properly
equiped to molest us.

Thank god.