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Abducted
Bestest Friends Network
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[T-NotPotO-ERO$-I]
[ The-NewsletterofthePostingoftheOfficial-EmployeeRosterof$ubvert-Inc. ]
[v0.9zz] [96.12.02]
,oI!X0@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@####***==++-++==***####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@0X!Io,
:I!0$P" "Y0!I:
:I!0P D R I B B L E S E C T I O N `0!I:
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(This publication called "[T-NotPotO-ERO$-I]" is reffered to as "[]")
New Dribble:
Greetings all. Well this is the second-to-last issue of [] before v1.0. There
will be an Xmas issue to clear up any final $ubvert title problems. Anyways,
watch out for the new quotes section, there's more rip-roarin quotes that you
can shake an anal probe at! You will notice that a couple of the quotes have
a "-?" where a name should be. It's cause i missed who said it, so if ya know
tell me okay? Hope you enjoy...
Standard Dribble:
If you would like a title in $ubvert Inc., just declare your title on abducted
and i will record it for the next version of the roster (if you don't see your
title on the next version of the list, mail me until it's on). If anyone would
like to see the roster at any time, for any reason, or need your title edited,
just post a request or mail me. That's all for now...
PS - I think i got most of the changes... if not, mail me.
-Your Editor and Way-Cool Hyper-Intelligent Pan-Dimensional Being,
[Jester] <ub168@freenet.victoria.bc.ca>
,oI!X0@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@####***==++-++==***####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@0X!Io,
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Here are some "memorable" quotes from posts on Abducted! in the past month:
Mr. Negativity would just say fuck it, but I'm trying to think of something
useful.
-Gibo
Pursue it with automatic assault weapons, and LAW rockets. Also, use hounds
and bait whenever possible to increase chances of a kill.
-Groovy Dave
I even wrote sex stories about Axl Rose when I was in 5th grade.
-Sarah Irani
Next you'll tell me to cut my ear off and send it to KT's roommate's cat as
a proof of my undying devotion to the creature.
-Gibo
Nobody that reads this list would ever be in a position to hire anyone. Of
this, I am certain.
-LON
Girls get to frig off too, wanking male bastards...
-grEy
Their most successful candidate in recent years was a former actor who had
Alzheimer's and looked like he was made of plastic.
-Gibo
I'm sorry, you're going to have to strip naked and bark like a dog if you
want me to make another flurry.
-Groovy Dave
I'm a walrus. Really. With flippers and everything. A WALRUS.
-Gibo
You have my permission to be a dirty old man.
-Sarah Irani
Could I fondle your browser?
-LON
Dibs on the drugs.
-Rick Acquistapace
I would rather watch a girl mastabate than mastabate myself.
-FunkyJ
Besides, pictures I got plenty of; I want 'gasm WAVs.
-Lon
Quasi-English sexually repressed kink factory, that's me.
-Gibo
Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Troy Sheets is
funnier
than shit.
-KT
Yeah, he's FUNNY alright, but nothing is funnier than bat shit or a seasick
camel.
-LON
How much for the sound of a twelve-year-old saying my name while having
sex?
-Gibo
You're a Lesbian? Right on!
-Lon
My grandparents have fragments of Skylab, crucified, in a little bottle of
their own comingled urine.
-Shannon
I love kissing my boyfriend while he wanks.
-Sarah Irani
I have placed a Crotch Hole Hex on him for you.
-Troy Sheets
Now that my marshmallow scars have cleared up I can venture outdoors without
being treated like a freak. No...wait...it's always been that way.
-LAZ
But here at Abducted, we know which side of our helmet our foil is wrapped
on... well, we know it's either the inside or the outside.
-Lon
Actually, I had a dream about Hillary Clinton last night. I dreamt that Dole
won the election, so she divorced Bill and married him. It was described
in
the papers, without a hint of irony, as a "whirlwind romance".
-Gibo
Were you doing raw Marshmallow Creme straight from the jar again?
-Lon
It's oh so lonely in my closet tonight.
-grEy
Like a phoenix, the list dies every weekend only to be reborn Monday
afternoon after Those Who Log In From Work decide the week's already wasted
and start looking for ways to distract themselves.
-Lon
Look around, I'm sure there is a portal to other worlds in all closets.
-Felix
I and a bottle of Crown Royal cleaned my room. [I bought it for the bag,
obviously. The whiskey was for medicinal porpoises.]
-Shannon
Consider yourself lucky. Someday they'll ask you to get down on your hands
and knees and squeal like a piggy, just for fun. Happens to me all the time.
-R&J Gassaway
Are you stalking us? Is it fun?
-Lon
CERN? Is that the people who were relevant before Netscape came along?
-Gibo
I get the replies to my own posts before i write them. That's what's REALLY
scaring me.
-grEy
I think they are using some special code languge, and are plotting to
replace our TV's with those things that keep tea-pots warm and old
ladies wear on their heads.
-FunkyJ
My boss is travelling most of the time and then when he comes he doesn't
understand about computers, so I can even download porn from the net in front
of him and tell him it's a very critical database maintenance operation. He
believes me all the time.
-AnimalMother
The French just suck.
-FunkyJ
Better bust one open with the butt of your lazegun and see if there's a
little alien foetus inside.
-Lon
Neil gaiman fixations *rule*.
-grEy
I want nothing more than to regain my capacity for total, single-minded
obsession with the greatness of one particular idea.
-?
When I'm in the zone with an obsession, drugs pale by comparison.
-Gibo
Where does the water that collects in the bean dip when you leave it in the
fridge come from?
-Ian Kramar
I've named them Succubus and Cockatrice. Suck and Cock for short.
-Sarah Irani
I prefer a cubicle full of empty coke cans, jeans, headphones blairing metal
music, and an obvious total lack of attitude.
-LON
I can't quote myself in my own sig! The neighbors would talk.
-Gibo
Some scientist believe that this water is simply condensation. However, MY
studies have concluede that Alien invaders are attracted to Bean Dip, which
resembles a natural aphrodisiac which lives (like a bacteria) on distant
worlds. The "water" is actually Ailen jism. I wouldn't eat it, though it
might
be fun to stir it up and give it to your room mate.
-Dr. LON
I just KNOW that that's how I'm going to go, with some cosmonaut's discarded
Snapplecap imbedded into my soft-and-mushy brain pan. I've begun drinking
more
milk in an attempt to calcify my skull in a vain attempt to ward this off.
-Shannon
Any naked pics from young miss Sarah??
-LON
I've cleaned my room, naked. i mean. i was naked. not my room. it didn't
start out this way. but as my room-cleaning fury increased, my clothes flew
away. woo. kinky.
-grEy
There is an excellent chance that Dr. Ruth Westheimer gives the most
mind-shattering blowjobs on earth.
-Chris Wayne
This doesn't scare me at all. What scares me is the thought of Al Goldstein
GETTING blowjobs.
-Lon
Wasn't Al Goldstein the publisher of SCREW Magazine and other fine
masturbatory publications? Or am I thinking of Rube Goldberg?
-Shannon
Actually, melpomene is the muse of tragedy.
-MelpomeneX
It's very difficult to take a paranoid rant seriously when it involves the
Bermans and the Chineses.
-?
I think I even got pregnant to another Player once (of course I cut his
balls off and aborted the kid!)
-FunkyJ
I wish I had read that book by that wheelchair guy.
-Paul Dito
I have an excuse. I've seen your moves with your house pets.
-KT
I'm not really an elephant, but I do play one on TV.
-Rick Acquistapace
Remember, a vacuum is NOT love.
-Jester
If you're going to use archaic weapons, don't fuck around.
-Gibo
Everyone on abducted, you are all wussies!
-Troy Sheets
I'm a donkey, I'm a donkey, Arrrggggghhhhh, I'm a donkey!
-FunkyJ
There ARE no wrong words on this list.
-LON
Isn't "bleah" a fun word? I don't know how I ever lived without it.
-Gibo
That's one thing kids nowadays are deprived of. Good die-cast toys.
-Ian Kramar
I love it when he sticks his fingers up my twidgie when i wank.
-Sarah Irani
Also, Cthulhu is a Republican.
-Lon
You know, it made sense when I wrote it, but it doesn't make too much sense
now. I think I put a " in the wrong place, or something.
-Rick Acquistapace
The woman has a face like a perpetually surprised sea mammal.
-Gibo
Now write it 500 times by morning or I'll cut your balls off.
-Chris Wayne
How do you say, "Fuck the barbarian hordes, I'm gonna have a party!"
in Latin?
-Lon
Adolescent boys are so easily duped.
-Sarah Irani
Anyone sick enough to eat anchovies deserves whatever they get.
-Garth
It just makes me want to "donkeyfuck" her.
-Ian Kramar
Rain, good. Hitler, bad.
-Nathan
Sodom City USA? They must have a hell of a theme park.
-Troy Sheets
I think you been there, done that, and wrote the Dummies book.
-VT
It's not just a text editor, it's a way of life.
-Felix
If you think watching a french movie is painfull, stick a q-tip dipped in
aftershave up your urethra.
-Jester
I wish I could get paid for this.
-Lon
Of course, deep down in those blue eyes, you can see a soul of a trapped
woman screaming to get out. Then again, it's probably just camera glare.
-Groovy Dave
Then she's made of PHOTOSHOP.
-Gibo
Why weren't you looking down her blouse?
-Lon
Didn't have to. I went to a toppless school.
-Garth
Mangled Bladerunner quotes are strictly forbidden.
-Felix
You took the text right out of my keyboard.
-Rick Acquistapace
I think everybody should go and do some Chomsky.
-Felix
This could really be great fun. i mean. as long as we don't get arrested.
-grEy
Ter, det asdo miklufnumpuus, sed acton, sed rummin, sed edders. Lepto sed
tershnim! (Saf "tershnim' uip 'fellfump,' wevcummster.) Gront?
-Lon
The above is just Lon being stupid.
-Felix
The power of the teacher is insignificant when compared with the power of
the need to sneak a quick glance at her cleavage.
-Lon
Cu vi povas direkti min al multiproksima medicina efiko? Mia piko estas
frapmont de fulmo.
-Derek Robb
Cut down the coffee intake, next thing you know you start acting like a
responsible member of society.
-Gibo
We could arrange an army of adhesive propagandists.
-Derek Robb
I think you're calling me Felix. It feels... sexy. I like it.
-Gibo
Pattern recognition makes my twidgie tingle.
-Groovy Dave
Just found out that Windows 95 tops out at December 31, 2099. You'd think
something that cost me $90+ would last more than 105 years.
-Chris Wayne
Ooh. she called me Felix again. I can feel it in my twidgie.
-Gibo
Hi. This is the qmail-send program at underground.org. I'm afraid I
wasn't
able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a
permanent
error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
-MAILER-DAEMON@underground.org
I am flummoxed like a sunburnt kipper.
-Felix
st00piD huMMAN i CaN"T wait to S33 hoW youR LowER InTEstineZ work.
-tHe FAntOM Fr()G
You can't believe everything you read.
-felix lon bowkett
The little glyph on the bottom right corner is an obscure and little known
somethingorother, the origin of which will be explained for the sake of
making this a longer post.
-Derek Robb
Lovecraft was a twisty little goon.
-Gibo
H.P. Lovecraft is not the only twisty little goon around here...
-Amy A. Woolard
Lovecraft was aware of this; his mother was actually an alien-human hybrid,
and his father was a moose.
-Gibo
I'm against wearing products obtained from dead dinosaurs. in any form.
-grEy
ISO 9000? Audit THIS mutha fucker!
-LON
I better get rid of all my clothes now while I have the chance.
-Gibo
Strength through transfer speed.
-Nathan
I just wanted everyone to know HOW STUPID I AM!
-FunkyJ
But we do have some rather attractive dog-shit bins.
-Zac
Dogshit. Tomorrow the WORLD!
-Derek Robb
You know, there are rubber sheets for that kind of thing.
-Amy A. Woolard
Buy underwear at costco. Costco undies rule.
-grEy
Around here we tend to let LON the janitor (NOT Lon) tend to whatever the
hell he wants. Otherwise he might get testy and start freezing gophers to
death with Misty Gum Remover.
-Gibo
Haven't you done any hard time in the Usenet prison, son?
-Jack Nutting
With that I collapsed to the floor. I am still there. [I've trained my
budgies to take dictation in case I need to answer my e-mail in an
emergency. (thanks, guys.)]
-Gibo
Since I was only French for a few hours, am I okay again?
-Rick Acquistapace
It's a joke from a late seventies radio series which I am forbidden to
mention.
-Gibo
Underwear photographers are pretty easy to find, though. They usually have
cameras.
-?
Haste makes waste, and spit sounds like shit, but doesn't smell as bad when
it gets on your shoe.
-LON
A great idea is like a stolen TV. If you don't run with it right away,
you're never going to use it.
-Gibo
My new band, Too Bored To Snore, plays aggro-hiss, dream static, and good
old fashioned traffic noise. All our pieces are unfinished. We can play the
variations, but we forget the themes. We are not funky. We're available to
play at divorces, bankruptcy proceedings, and excommunications. When the
audience boos, we record it for our next composition. We sample lead-out
grooves and dead air. Our chromelodeon has one key: grey. We're on the radio
24 hours a day, between stations.
-Lon
I've always been of the opinion that te internet is genderless, much like
many of the alleged males that contribute to it.
-grEy
Now I can proudly drop my pants in public!
-FunkyJ
An international conspiracy to commit vandalism? What could possibly be
illegal about that?
-Chris Wayne
Bleah. Supposedly this is a British thing. I don't pretend to understand
it.
-Gibo
I just got some pot that smells like Capt'n Cruch Berries, and boy is it
good.
-Rick Acquistapace
I forget, who was it who didn't like blow jobs?
-Jack Nutting
Shit damn christ, boy! You EAT that shit?
-LON
On the way home, discovered that my windshield wipers beat in PERFECT TIME
to "Close To The Edit" by good ol' A of N.
-Derek Robb
This is the most galling parcel of tripe I've laid eyes on in quite some
time.
-KT
YOU. ARE. A. BITTER. SACK. OF. MISFIRING. SYNAPSES.
And you are overreacting, Caps Boy.
-Mojo 'n Gibo
Memories fade but photos get published.
-FunkyJ
Leave abducted? What an absurd notion.
-LON
I'm bored.
-Lon
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[96.12.02]
-01-
Self-Appointed Demi-God:
Troy Sheets <tsheets@xanadu.cyborganic.com>
-02-
Grand Incubator (and the guy who hands out the checks):
Giles Bowkett <dashwood@flat-earth.org>
-03-
Guardian of [], and Way-Cool Hyper-Intelligent Pan-Dimensional Being:
Jester <ub168@freenet.victoria.bc.ca>
-04-
Spiritual Advisor:
Lon Huber "Swami Propagananda" <buzz@crl.com>
-05-
Head Stud-Bitch in Charge of The Three "B's" (Blasphemy, "BoB" and huB caps):
Jennifer Lynn Larkin <jlarki1@tiger.lsuiss.ocs.lsu.edu>
-06-
Head SpellChecker, Chief Editorial Consultant, Content Maven, and Guru of
Research:
chickadee <Eva_Maddox@odp.tamu.edu>
-07-
Office slut/eccentric female type who doesn't do any actual work, yet serves
a vital function:
melpie <MelpomeneX@aol.com>
-08-
Lightning Invocation and Teamaking:
"The Rev. Daev Hellshaw" <hellshaw@internet-eireann.ie>
-09-
Token slow toxic amphibian:
Craig Lauxman aka The Newt King <hpcprod@lcc1.nsc.com>
-10-
Minister of Propaganda:
Ross <biovid@teleport.com>
-11-
The guy with no point:
Tom Porcella <red5@loop.com>
-12-
Interdepartmental Discombobulator, Assistant to the Assistant of the
Vice-Fifth Wheel:
Schabe Up or Ship Out <schabe@minn.net>
-13-
Vice-president in charge of sitting around the break room drinking coffee
and talking about quiting this lousy outfit sometime soon, real soon, any
day now, just as soon as he pays off his student loan:
Rob Loftis <jbob@merle.acns.nwu.edu>
-14-
Cancer Man-type go between:
Pete Twigg <mtlpct@LUCS-MAC.NOVELL.LEEDS.AC.UK>
-15-
Co-Founder & Co-President of Rocks-In-A-Box Inc. An affiliate of The
Pirate Squid Club, and a co-conspirator with $ubvert Inc.:
Rick Acquistapace <babar@value.net>
-16-
Chief consultant in the use of militant force, training of the feeble minded,
operations of all things in the armory that go BANG or BOOM, and the guy in
charge of bringing the keg:
LAZ Patron Saint of beer under LON <lazarus40k@usa.pipeline.com>
-17-
Demi-goat, Serpent, Snake-god and patron saint of grievous carnality:
asphyxia <moorep@ucsub.colorado.edu>
-18-
The Power Behind the Throne:
Catherine <ckelly@bgnet.bgsu.edu>
-19-
Mr Candyman sir:
Matthew Lane <ndcb4204@brklands.demon.co.uk>
-20-
Intern Herder:
Justin <Justin_Bowers@BAYLOR.EDU>
-21-
-22-
King of the Moon:
Derek Robb <aieeee@tezcat.com>
-23-
The messy-haired guy who is always at the computer in his cubicle making
beatbox noises and nodding to music only he can hear:
Andrew Cone <andrew.cone@infoway.com>
-24-
Vice-President in charge of Network Doom games:
Erik Geiger <GEIGER@persoft.com>
-25-
The guy in charge of dealing with crazy x-philes:
Joseph Mitchel Comeau <ak561@ccn.cs.dal.ca>
-26-
Vice-Presinent in charge of keeping morale intact by beating
anyone in the company which is down in his spirits:
<jcaminit@lynx.dac.neu.edu>
-27-
Diety-level Janitor:
Lon Thomas <thomasl@indirect.com>
-28-
The all important name at the bottom of the list or something:
Justina Curtis <justina@peg.apc.org>
-29-
The guy over there, you know "him":
Erik <erik@tiac.net>
-30-
Mistress Raver, Herder of Cats:
Beth Bieber <ebieber@eden.com>
-31-
Lord of Ellipses, Defender of Semicolons,
Protector of Uncomfortable Silences:
Pope Paisley Lemming, the, KNS, KSC, MULC, R.S.V.P of the Lesser Temple
of the Greater Platypus, Shaken, Not Stirred <paisley@poboxes.com>
-32-
The Lesser Descendant of a Yak Inhaler:
Tymm Twillman <tymm@tiger.coe.missouri.edu>
-33-
That guy over there in the corner talking to "things" and Resident Fruitcake:
Alien aka Rick, "The Reclusive One" <kekedust@ix.netcom.com>
-34-
Chief Doktor of Forbidden Sciences:
Rev. Jack Nutting <jnutting@is.com>
-35-
Sterile Cunt:
Paul <CPCDSC@tevm2.nsc.com>
-36-
Chief Lifeguard, StereoTyping Pool:
"K.T. Wiegman" <kt@webstorm.com>
-37-
Southern Hemisphere Propoganda Director. Most probably a Spy:
Felix <Derek.Bradley@cmc.com.au>
-38-
Yak Herder, and keeper of the Transdimensional Llamas:
Interstellar Groovy Dave <davidcb@kuoi.asui.uidaho.edu>
-39-
Hen teaser and Head of the "Making People
Wonder What I'm Talking About project":
Garth Bryan Marlin <garthm@tgn.net>
-40-
The guy who can't keep feet out of his mouth, but tries to talk anyway:
Glenn <gmorris@bssc.edu.au>
-41-
The guy who presses the button that doesn't actually
do anything, but makes a hell of a racket:
Julian <funkyj@geocities.com>
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