. . .



Just color me gimp.
  -AllonI Kramer

Just so's you know. "A pig who can't fly is just a normal pig." These words fo 
wisdom brought to you by Anime.  Anime.  It's what's for dinner.
  -AllonI Kramer

A more poignant question would be: why are there so many fuckwads that believe 
everything the government says without question?
  -ghostxxx

People tell me men are idiots.  I am happy to agree.

People tell me women are brainless.  No questions there.

People tell me white people have the brains of trout.  Uh huh.

People tell me nonwhites have cheese for brains.  Myself, I'm partial to a fine 
Meunster.

The truth of the matter is, and I know this will shock everybody: By and large, 
and on the whole, when you compare human beings to retarded chimpanzees, you're 
going to see a definite swing, on the intelligence-o-meter, towards the chimps. 

Glad to be of service.
  -AllonI Kramer

I am thinking it has something to do with "Peanut Butter Time" and "Time Cubes" 
... But the correlation is mind boggling.
  -ghostxxx

Everyone remember yesterday's big lesson?  (Everyone:  "Never tell the truth.") 
Very good.  That lesson got reinforced today, when, by lying, I persuaded the 
school that I am a CA resident, and so don't have to pay through the orifice 
located near my mouth in order to learn stuff.  Yay deceit!
  -AllonI Kramer

Don't get your panties in a wad. You were never lost. You were under 
surveillance all the time.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

Bernard, are you naked when you type these posts? You strike me as the type that 
gets naked, slathers himself in crisco, and then starts posting to mailing lists 
while chuckling dementedly.
  -tim~

"You too can make all sorts of new friends after You graduate from Heald's 
College of Genetic Engineering!!!"
  -Cassiel

I think that with a government grant I could become much more annoying.
  -Garth

I just got a spam message.  It probably had something to do with pheremones or 
somesuch.  But the subject.  The subject confused me:

- Subject: Avi, Ava, A Man, A Woman                        WISC
  -AllonI Kramer



Official Abducted Short Story Of The Month:  (Nathan Winant)

It was a cold August afternoon in darkest Mexico. I had strolled into the 
cantina, listened to the voice, shot a man, and ordered a drink. I found a 
corner in which to bide my time, waiting for my chips and salsa.

The service was slow, and once I had seized a waitress, surly.

"Bring me chips," I growled.

The old woman looked back at me and laughed, "We have no chips here for 
murderous gringos!"

"How dare you call me murderous!"

"You just murdered a man," she replied coyly.

"Very well, then. Bring me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia (1974)(tm)," I smiled.

"You just shot him."

Damn.

I sighed and sat back in my chair, and contemplated the options before me.

"Bring me a taco," I muttered, "Just bring me a taco." I released the woman, and 
went about the business at hand of balancing the budget. The voice in my head 
was relentless, however; ceaseless in its barrage of cruel indecencies.

"You don't know how to balance a budget," it would say.

"You don't even know whose budget it is you're balancing," it would say.

"Your penmanship is atrocious," it would say.

"You always hog the covers," it would say.

I handled the voice in the only way I know to handle the voice, and shot a man 
dead. Laughter echoed from the kitchen.

"Don't forget the cilantro!" I yelled, but I knew there would be no cilantro for 
murderous gringos.

"Why do you all laugh at me?" I screeched, and whirled around in little circles, 
hands pressed tight over ears, eyes rolled back in their sockets. The Mexicans 
stared at me, silent. A young girl prayed to an elderly virgin. A Christ 
grinned.

I awoke in a deserted underground field. The earth was cracked and dry, the sky 
unusually dark and moist. I pretended to be asleep until I awoke in my chair in 
the cantina.

It worked.

"Here is your filthy taco that the cook spit in. I hope you don't mind, because 
I don't care if you do," the waitress winked, seductively. I took a bite.

There was no cilantro.