. . .



I'm not even sure America 100% exists.
  -DerekFelix

splat (or some other pulpy, squelchy sound, although not like the
healthy, somewhat prim yet not so demure squish of a ripe orange
striking another ripe orange from a dizzying height.)
  -Erik Larabie

I'm getting more and more shameless.  If I'm not careful, maybe I'll
start to believe my own carefully constructed web of lies and deceit.
<shudder>
  -Alloni Kramer

If Nathan is a false Alloni, does that make Alloni a false Nathan?
Hmmm...the mind boggles. And rattles.
  -Mary Hodges

Chicks dig kidneys, although possibly not kidney breath.
  -Chris Wayne

As long as I'm pimpin' I'm happy.
  -Robert McDaniel

Its not easy having a brain the size of a planet on a planet full of
idiots (abductee's excluded). I have to smoke pot just to keep my
intelligence in check.
  -Garth

So are you saying ghosty HAS a big ass or ghosty IS a big ass?
  -Travis Mikalson  (sowing the seeds of dissension)

I meant big assets. ghost is one of abducteds biggest assets.
  -Garth  (repairing the breach)

I really, really like sheep.
  -Nathan Winant

if (Jennifer wrote a short message to abducted)  {Nicole standing
completely naked in front of you holding a stuffed cow and a
glow-in-the-dark vibrator, which is turned on)
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

I have tales of woe.
  -Felix

This is a strange story.  Not the part about aliens invading the Earth
in Elizabeth NJ.  No, this is quite probable actually, Elizabeth is a
hot bed of alien activity.
  -Pat Blake

I am not. I totally and categorically deny that. Just because I go by
the name 'grey' and my eyes are kind of big...
  -greylizabeth

She is a big grey rabbit!
  -Chris Layne

This has been a test of the drunken buffoon network. In the case that
this had been an actual emergency, everyone would be totally screwed.
  -Chris Wayne

I hear he dosn't like kissing because the human mouth festers with
bacteria. I guess he prefers dogs and cats. And sheep.  Definitely
sheep. You heard it on the internet, so it must be true.
  -Chris Wayne  (about Leo DiCaprio, as if you couldn't tell)

Its amazing how I can totally pass up the header of the message and
still be able to tell who is replying.
  -Garth

"Yes Mr Alien sir, this is my ex wife Suraia, her colon produces gem
stones.  Check it out!"
  -Pat Blake

Mary's been on the list too long. She's starting to sound like us.
  -Garth

This my be a fun point to ponder in your solitude.
No, thats ok. I have porn.
  -Mary n' Garth

I think Garth is trying to change the focus of the list. Oh wait... we
don't have one.
  -Mary Hodges

Yep.  Swamp critters is yummy.  Who's got the Tee-basco sauce?
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

My computer and I are in love.  I think my SSPO is catching on and I
may have to start juggling more efficiently.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin  (what about the rest of us?)

Bashful Spice or Grumpy Spice  (two of the original Spice Dwarves.
The other 5 quit early on for step stool endorsement deals)
  -Pat Blake

Calm and fucking relaxed!!  who can deal with that?
  -Felix

You've got to be kidding me. What's not funny about forcible sodomy? I
bet you're one of those sick freaks that doesn't laugh at cancer jokes
either. Weirdo.
  -Chris Wayne

this pic of me makes me want to sing Elton John songs or something.
  -ghostxxx

"Wisdom, young grasshopper, is sand held in a feather."
  -Chris Wayne

Its only my bright sunny attitude that stops me from laying waste to
the countyside.
  -Garth  (recalling his Godzilla days)

But clothing made out of iguana skin is still a byproduct of society.
Total nudity is called for.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

Did I say gnomes?  I meant sugar.
  -Alloni Kramer

nookie.
  -Jonathan Mayer

Thank you. I would like to thank the Academy and the Lord Jesus
Christ. On second thought, I did this all on my own. Screw them.
  -Chris Wayne

Oh, as for the recruiter who called me this morning. Hall Kinion. I
highly recommend Hall Kinion. They kiss ass the best of all the
headhunters I've met. Seek comes close, but Hall Kinion is the leader.
  -Nathan Winant

For those of you who have somehow forgotten, Win95 sucks big donkey
dick.
  -Nathan Winant

On the other hand, Windows 98 sucks donkey dick 45% faster, supports
up to four donkey dicks at a time, and is currently the only 32-bit OS
which is capable of sucking horse, baboon, and marmoset dicks.
  -Chris Wayne

Bosses really shouldn't rile people up around here. I mean disgruntled
postal workers are one thing, but a disgruntled worker at an
explosives plant is much more dangerous.
  -Garth  (holding our lives in his hands)

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I have called this press
conference to inform you that an intern is getting me off under this
podium as we speak. Any questions?"
  -Chris Wayne

I was in the video store today looking for movies to buy to play
Mystery Porno Theater 2000 with (found a couple of bad sci-fi porno
flicks which I will review later) and I was very disturbed to see that
(as I had previously suspected within the parentheses of my own brain)
at least 75 percent of all the "hermaphrodites" in the "hermaphrodite
honnies" variety of flick were clearly men in drag.  I mean, one of
them was wearing a shirt that no self respecting hermaphrodite would
wear while balling someone.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin  (proving why we all love her)

You will smite, dominate, and destroy.  And the tribe will be with you
always. Can you hear the drums, my brother?  The drums are calling for
you.
  -Adam Mayer  (turning jm to the coding side)

Suffering from Attention Defi..I sure do feel like a bike ride for
some reason.
  -Joshua J.B. Smith

Can you direct me to the nearest medical facility? My penis has been
struck by lightening.
  -Derek Robb, King of the Moon  (a blast from the past)

entropy is great if you don't have to experience it first hand
  -Captain Weird

Oh well.  At least I'm getting paid for him to be an idiot.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

The monitor across the room is looking at me and grinning evilly.  I
think it likes my tshirt.
  -Alloni Kramer

Mmmmmn. Firepower.
  -grey

How many goats have you sucked today?
  -Joshua J.B. Smith

You're somewhere in the Scary North aren't you. :-) Things are weirder
up there...
  -grey

She did visit my condo here, taking note at the "666" hanging on my
fridge in multicolored magnetic numerals, and saying "Is this your
idea of a joke?  Do you realize that when you do things like this it
hurts God?".  Such an omnipotent entity, her God.
  -Joshua J.B. Smith  (abducted, land of the heathen)

I bought a new breakfast cereal the other day.  ... They don't taste
like Oreos. I'm thinking of becoming a Communist.
  -Mark Doner

Whenever. I have no life. I have no soul. I am yours to command, Dark
Master.
  -Nathan Winant

And all I'm wearing while I read your email is a pretty blue neon
colored band-aid.  Why?  Because I don't feel like being naked when
the pizza guy gets here.
  -Karen Newman  (mentioning nudity gets you quoted.  someone is
repressed around here.)

With special equipment.
Hmmm... I'm debating whether to be frightened or intrigued...
  -Garth n' Nathan

I'd like to say that your tag lines are getting more and more
non-sequiter... ... But they're too scary to be non-sequiters.
  -Nathan Winant  (re: Garth - what are they hiding?)

I hope I'm not a mindless drone.
  -Alloni Kramer

The forces of evil wish to thank your mother. She will have a special
place set aside for her in the coming age of darkness and chaos.
  -Chris Wayne

Now, let me get this straight: you have been lurking for two years,
AND paying attention and you STILL asked US to unsuscribe you? This is
a joke, right?
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

Good stalking job, Josh. Keep it up.
  -Nathan Winant

I will be unhappy if they make me remove the hat.
  -Jennifer Lynn Larkin

I also will not tollerate proper grammar, correct spelling and
anything having to do with the barbie dream car (i still haven't
worked that one out with my therapist.)
  -Karen Newman



The Official Abducted Charity of the Month:  (Jennifer Lynn Larkin)

Mr. Urc's Home for Abandoned, Neglected, and Underprivileged Sex Toys


The Official Abducted Marriage Ceremony:  (Felix)

Felix and ________, 10th of October.
We're all there for you in spirit, man.


And, last but not least, the Official Abducted Ironic IRC Conversation
Of The Month:  (twist bean and ghostxxx)

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] huh?

[msg(bean)] should i repeat that?

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] you want me to come to Texas? :)

[msg(bean)] uhm, nope...well sure, but thats not what i was hinting at...

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] hehe.. what were you hinting at? :)

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] I got unsubbed, btw

[msg(bean)] in fact i wasnt hinting.

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] and I don't remember how to resub

[msg(bean)] haha... do this: email majordomo@hyperreal.org ... in the body
            put subscribe abducted

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] hehe, okay :)

[msg(bean)] reply to the msg it sends right bac k to you

[Bean(Bean@external.internal.org)] yeah, I know that part :P

(bean)] heh... im gonna post this conversation :P~