. . .

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[T-NotPotO-ERO$-I]
[ The-NewsletterofthePostingoftheOfficial-EmployeeRosterof$ubvert-Inc. ]
[v1.1x] [97.02.XX]

,oI!X0@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@####***==++-++==***####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@0X!Io,
:I!0$P" "Y0!I:
:I!0P D R I B B L E S E C T I O N `0!I:
:I!0$b. .$0!I:
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(This publication called "[T-NotPotO-ERO$-I]" is reffered to as "[]")

New Dribble:

Okay, the feb issue of []. Two months late. Deal with it. I hope some of you
who have never heard of [] will take a look at some of the quotes from people
who are no longer with us. We know who they are. Anyway this is an "x" issue
meaning it was "really fucking late" and not even in the month it should have
come out in. Oh well. Enjoy.

Standard Dribble:

If you would like a title in $ubvert Inc., just declare your title on abducted
and i will record it for the next version of the roster (if you don't see your
title on the next version of the list, mail me until it's on). If anyone would
like to see the roster at any time, for any reason, or need your title edited,
just post a request or mail me. That's all for now...

-Your "Editor" and Way-Cool Hyper-Intelligent Pan-Dimensional Being,

[Jester] <ub168@freenet.victoria.bc.ca>

,oI!X0@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@####***==++-++==***####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@0X!Io,
:|I!0$P" "Y0!I:
:|I!0P Q U O T E S S E C T I O N `0!I:
:|I!0$b. .$0!I:
'VI!X0@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@####***==++-++==***####@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@0X!IP'

Here are some "memorable" quotes from posts on Abducted! in the past month:

I once made a new year's resolution. I resolved to become a worse person.
I succeeded.
-Gibo

You have "lon" in your name. I couldn't have possibly been refering to you.
You're my pal.
-LON

Is it so wrong to want to feed one's delusions of grandeur for personal
amusement?
-Derek Robb

Check to see if your penis is missing.
-Lon

Penile Inversion to create artificial vaginas to turn the men of the world
into mindless lesbian sex slaves? The fiends!
-C. Wayne

At any rate, if you still have your penis, there's hope.
-Lon

You listen to records with vocals? How quaint.
-Felix

I think I may have just peed myself.
-Mojo

After a blessed, two-year long courtship, Yasmin Bleeth has agreed to
become my bride.
-Nathan Winant

I like to jerk off to the sound of monks eating soup.
-Dylan

Am I the only one that read sex into this phrase?
-Garth

Recruited? i RAN the experiments. that's why they went horribly wrong.
-Grey

Jesus, if I was going to drill a hole in my head I would not take LSD...
-Funky J

If you worry too much, you might get an ulcer. Besides, it's probably just
cancer.
-Felix

Since that moment, I have had nothing on my mind but the lava lamp. I sit
and stare at the lava lamp. I take lots of pictures of the lava lamp,
trying to get the lighting just right. I caress the lava lamp. I clean the
lava lamp. I love the lava lamp.
-Nathan Winant

I'm going to contact you alright... but i can't manage any nasty emails
for a while i still have that wonderous glowy feeling from last nite...
-Jester

I like my compiler. It has full psychedelic capabilities, and it won't
stand for temporal anomalies.
-Felix

It is not widely known that melatonin is also the stuff at the center of
golf balls.
-Lon

I want a avocado and ochre body (earth tones to complement my buddy grEy's
airy blue-green shades when we go out), a stomach which can digest anything,
a dick which works in response to one of those $2.49 'silent dog whistles'
you used to be able to buy from ads in the back of ACTION COMICS, and a
multi-tasking sleep cycle which leaves 2/3 of my awesome mental faculties
fully engaged at all times. Oh, and awesome mental faculties, too.
-Lon

I think i'd like purple skin that changed light to dark depending on my
mood, atmospheric conditions and my sexual status...
-Jester

Uh, can we have someone translate some of these threads into ebonics? i'm
not sure i understand all of this.
-MelpomeneX

I can't sleep because my parents fight all night and I get phone calls from
my mum crying and I try not to eat because I'm a fat bastard.
-Dylan

That would be honkinein, a complex protein which is also responsible for
lawn ornaments, cable TV, and the desire to use most of the world's
resources to dominate other cultures.
-Lon

I don't have freckles dammit!!!!
-Bean

Look here Retardo Montalban, I am not a "Yank" i am a "Canuck". Duh.
-Jester

Well, Sarah is a very horny girl, who likes to tease D&D players, with
her body and mind. She promised GIF's, but we never got 'em.
-Rick

Proud to say i look more like a dork than ever.
-Grey

I would also splice the gene for THC into lawn grass.
-Garth

Lots of leather in these here parts.
-Gibo

I'm afraid to die. What if there is an afterworld mall. You must wait
there for an eternity before changing plains. Hell will have an organ store.
I know it. I'll be stuck for eternity next to Mable & Ralph from fucking
Dogshit Wyoming, listenning to Boots Randolph played on a Wullitzer for
eternity.
-LON

This cracks me up, because it reminds me of these quasi punks back in
high school who would write "anarchy rules" on everything. I guess they
kind of missed the whole point.
-R&J Gassaway

chevys suck! fnords rule!
-Jester

But I'll tell you one thing, the smell of my boyfreind drenched in sweat
is the biggest fucking turn on, I don't know what I would do if he wore
cologne.. probably get rid of him...
-Bean

When kissing a woman, lick her neck, lick her face, but DO NOT lick her
nostrils.
-Gibo

I still thank my parents on occasion for taking me to that movie almost
twenty years ago, and for my first birthday present... and my favorite.
-Jester

I was smoking lots of dope and listening to Miles Davis then. I think.
-Lon

It takes a certain type of person to bring back a quality thread like that.
A female redhead "new" to the list that can engage in whitty banter with an
intelligent web page checks in the archives, finds just the right thread,
delurks, posts a few messages, then posts a simple brutally effective line
like the one above and BOOM the tread is back... Almost the perfect plan...
You got it this time, but i'm on to you. Oh yes.
-Jester

You're rude, and i'd rather not deal with you.
-Grey

Well, yeah, but the point is, if you're happy with one woman, think how
much happier you'll be with two. The math is simple.

math...can't...compute...must...stop...strange...thoughts

-Lon 'n Rick

Her response was, and I quote "Do you want me to kick you in the balls?"
-?

I want to start an international incident, with planes and tanks and
everything.
-grey

So, this old woman has this epileptic seizure for christ, and begins to
damn me and my friend to hell. I was furious. So, I said "At least Satan
has eyebrows." I think her throat closed, because she was sputtering. A
bit of her saliva shot our of her mouth and into my eye. I'm traumatized.
And I don't think she was wearing a bra. She had HUGE tits, I mean...
we are talking mammoth. I think I am really damaged.
-mojo

Why am I quoting Louis Wain when I could just use Rebecca's incoherent
babbling?
-Joshua J.B. Smith

RosieX has the same intelligence level as a rotten olive pit. She should
be flayed and roasted over a bed of burning horseshit, and then dumped on
an anthill.
-Felix

I am very coherent, I just don't make a lot of sense to most people, I
know what I'm talking about, isn't that what matters?
-Bean

I can't remember very much. of anything.
-FunkyJ

I padded into the hall and pushed open the bathroom door a bit, to be
treated to the brief sight of a very sleepy Giles taking a dump.
-Lon

On the way to work today I saw three DEER and NINE fucking HAWKS. what
country am I in? who left all this nature lying around?
-Gibo

Gasoline can be very romantic.
-R&J Gassaway

M'dear, if you think you're the only one to go off on wild, deranged,
twisted tangents at the drop of a shazbot, you are either a shivering
midget from Dr. Warker's Circus of Tears, or The Jewel of the Nile.
-Alloni

American fuck-wits unite! We created the universe, we invented baseball, we
conceived the dollar. Join us. Admit your fuck-wittedness. We're really neat.
-LON

Hey, me too. color me neat, I'm a fuck-wit!
-R&J Gassaway

If I get a head cold, can I blow my snot on them?
-R&J Gassaway

I went to the store to get candy for my friends who couldn't cross and some
old man in a car called me over and he was sitting in their with his penis
hanging out!
-MelpomeneX

I would like to try shaking a giles at something.
-Groovy Dave

Eric, fuck you for looking like quentin smirking tarantino so i can't
watch resevoir dogs without thinking of your stubbly, ugly face.
-Grey

As the owner of chihuahua.com, I hereby demand that you stop using this
list as a means of ripping off my gimmick of selling chihuahuas on the
internet.
-Lon

Some of our greatest threads have come from mis-spleeings!
-FunkyJ

First shave the hair off one half of your... you know. Then set fire to the
other half. When the crabs run from the flames, stab them with the ice pick.
-Garth

We'd also run up to peope and randomly yell, "STAY AWAKE!" and run off.
That confused people too.
-Grey

And I haven't been sleeping with her. No matter what she tries to tell you.
The lying little bitch. Comes round here shaking her little ass. What's a
red blooded American fuk wit to do. Those big eyes and the pouty lipsss.
ooohh, ooooo, oh yess.....
-Garth

I LIKE this reasoning. A LOT. If only I could use it at MY work... ("But
boss, I'm ADDICTED to crack whores! It's the company's responsibility to
SUPPORT my habit!") ... *sigh* ... A man and his dream, that's me...
-Nathan Winant

Humans should wear seatbelts, Turtles probably shouldn't.
-Felix

Yes, it would be nice if everyone in oasis died..
-Erik F Rug

Hey... now thats an idea. Then I could chase her down and squeeze her big
butt while screaming "HONKHONK".
-Mojo

Plan 9 is the kind of stupid that makes me laugh The Stuff is the kind
of stupid that makes me want to kick the director in the balls and set
the actors on fire.
-Garth

Just give me a big wad of silly putty and an android sex slave...
-Jester

What's George Clooney got that I don't?
-Lon

My best guess is that this is due to a childhood trauma involving
the color red, whether it was the sight of blood, being run over
by a small wagon, having apples thrown at you, or being sexually
molested by firemen.
-C. Wayne

Well really now, wouldn't it be more interesting to have the Rottweiler
take her up the ass.
-Will Raleigh

Fortunately, it has already been established that I am indeed a total
schmuck.
-Gibo

I don't work, I don't study... there's no reason I should be awake.
-Funky J

.justina, were you a file in my home directory, you would be unseen until
i did a ls -la.
-Grey

One day you're cleaning your room, the next day you're listenning to organ
music at the mall.
-LON

The Weather God is not kind to the Demigod of Watching People Late At Night
While Smoking Cigarettes.
-Lon

Silently, in the darkest recesses of The Theater Of My Mind, I silently, peacefully, wet myself.
-Nathan

But then again he could have just been on crack.
-Jester

As for groping, well that's usually done on a person to person basis. We
chat, and then as individuals we choose whether to grope ourselves. Freedom
to grope is our motto!
-R&J Gassaway

I madly, desperately want to make love to your shoes.
-Nathan

God help me if i ever go corporate...
-Grey

I don't have a T1. I've got a 14fucking400 baud hand crank. I don't like
sitting around waiting for any download that doesn't involve nekid women.
-LON

I would like to point out that this story is a big lie. I can easily
pack away several dozen rolls in my ass.
-Jack Nutting

Nyahni nyahni nyahyni I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M NOT LISTENING YOU'RE STILL
TALKING BUT I'M NOT LISTENING nyahni nyahni nyahni ni
-K.T. Wiegman

Taoism, being the religion of simplicity, and Unix, being the religion
of the hopelessy and utterly manic, are deadly enemies.
-Felix

If you're going to fly, fly with someone who has survived a plane crash.
The odds are quite low that someone (civilian) is going to be in more than
one plane crash in thier life. Of course that's just MY philosophy, I could
be all fucked up on the subject.
-LON

Do you like flowers? I have some in my ass.
-Jester

Who is this tw@?
-Zac

Uhmm.... GIFs! Oh no no no, I mean, yes-err-no-err.... Oh forget it...
-VT

Shit in a box, wrap it up in nice gift wrap, and leave it on a bench in the
mall. Tape THAT!
-LON

I'm kinda sore, actually.
-Grey

The rest, of course, was par usual. two macs, one clone, and a guy out my
window on the cold ground doing sit-ups in a ski mask.
-mel

Yeah well they better be free, cause i sure as hell wouldn't pay for a
web site with "iloveusa" as a domain. Fuck.
-Jester

There was no peanut butter involved in my escapades. i'm insulted.
-Grey

Dipthong? Sounds like blonde beach attire.
-LON

What's wrong with me?
-Funky J

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[97.02.XX]

-01-

Self-Appointed Demi-God:

Troy Sheets <tsheets@xanadu.cyborganic.com>

-02-

Grand Incubator (and the guy who hands out the checks):

Giles Bowkett <dashwood@flat-earth.org>

-03-

Guardian of [], and Way-Cool Hyper-Intelligent Pan-Dimensional Being:

Jester <ub168@freenet.victoria.bc.ca>

-04-

Spiritual Advisor:

Lon Huber "Swami Propagananda" <buzz@crl.com>

-05-

Head Stud-Bitch in Charge of The Three "B's" (Blasphemy, "BoB" and huB caps):

Jennifer Lynn Larkin <jlarki1@tiger.lsuiss.ocs.lsu.edu>

-06-

Head SpellChecker, Chief Editorial Consultant, Content Maven, and Guru of
Research:

chickadee <Eva_Maddox@odp.tamu.edu>

-07-

Office slut/eccentric female type who doesn't do any actual work, yet serves
a vital function:

melpie <MelpomeneX@aol.com>

-08-

Lightning Invocation and Teamaking:

"The Rev. Daev Hellshaw" <hellshaw@internet-eireann.ie>

-09-

Token slow toxic amphibian:

Craig Lauxman aka The Newt King <hpcprod@lcc1.nsc.com>

-10-

Minister of Propaganda:

Ross <biovid@teleport.com>

-11-

The guy with no point:

Tom Porcella <red5@loop.com>

-12-

Interdepartmental Discombobulator, Assistant to the Assistant of the
Vice-Fifth Wheel:

Schabe Up or Ship Out <schabe@minn.net>

-13-

Vice-president in charge of sitting around the break room drinking coffee
and talking about quiting this lousy outfit sometime soon, real soon, any
day now, just as soon as he pays off his student loan:

Rob Loftis <jbob@merle.acns.nwu.edu>

-14-

Cancer Man-type go between:

Pete Twigg <mtlpct@LUCS-MAC.NOVELL.LEEDS.AC.UK>

-15-

Co-Founder & Co-President of Rocks-In-A-Box Inc. An affiliate of The
Pirate Squid Club, and a co-conspirator with $ubvert Inc.:

Rick Acquistapace <babar@value.net>

-16-

Chief consultant in the use of militant force, training of the feeble minded,
operations of all things in the armory that go BANG or BOOM, and the guy in
charge of bringing the keg:

LAZ Patron Saint of beer under LON <lazarus40k@usa.pipeline.com>

-17-

Demi-goat, Serpent, Snake-god and patron saint of grievous carnality:

asphyxia <moorep@ucsub.colorado.edu>

-18-

The Power Behind the Throne:

Catherine <ckelly@bgnet.bgsu.edu>

-19-

Mr Candyman sir:

Matthew Lane <ndcb4204@brklands.demon.co.uk>

-20-

Intern Herder:

Justin <Justin_Bowers@BAYLOR.EDU>

-21-

-22-

King of the Moon:

Derek Robb <aieeee@tezcat.com>

-23-

The messy-haired guy who is always at the computer in his cubicle making
beatbox noises and nodding to music only he can hear:

Andrew Cone <andrew.cone@infoway.com>

-24-

Vice-President in charge of Network Doom games:

Erik Geiger <GEIGER@persoft.com>

-25-

The guy in charge of dealing with crazy x-philes:

Joseph Mitchel Comeau <ak561@ccn.cs.dal.ca>

-26-

Vice-Presinent in charge of keeping morale intact by beating
anyone in the company which is down in his spirits:

<jcaminit@lynx.dac.neu.edu>

-27-

Diety-level Janitor:

Lon Thomas <thomasl@indirect.com>

-28-

The all important name at the bottom of the list or something:

Justina Curtis <justina@peg.apc.org>

-29-

The guy over there, you know "him":

Erik <erik@tiac.net>

-30-

Mistress Raver, Herder of Cats:

Beth Bieber <ebieber@eden.com>

-31-

Lord of Ellipses, Defender of Semicolons,
Protector of Uncomfortable Silences:

Pope Paisley Lemming, the, KNS, KSC, MULC, R.S.V.P of the Lesser Temple
of the Greater Platypus, Shaken, Not Stirred <paisley@poboxes.com>

-32-

The Lesser Descendant of a Yak Inhaler:

Tymm Twillman <tymm@tiger.coe.missouri.edu>

-33-

That guy over there in the corner talking to "things" and Resident Fruitcake:

Alien aka Rick, "The Reclusive One" <kekedust@ix.netcom.com>

-34-

Chief Doktor of Forbidden Sciences:

Rev. Jack Nutting <jnutting@is.com>

-35-

Sterile Cunt:

Paul <CPCDSC@tevm2.nsc.com>

-36-

Chief Lifeguard, StereoTyping Pool:

"K.T. Wiegman" <kt@webstorm.com>

-37-

Southern Hemisphere Propoganda Director. Most probably a Spy:

Felix <Derek.Bradley@cmc.com.au>

-38-

Yak Herder, and keeper of the Transdimensional Llamas:

Interstellar Groovy Dave <davidcb@kuoi.asui.uidaho.edu>

-39-

Hen teaser and Head of the "Making People
Wonder What I'm Talking About project":

Garth Bryan Marlin <garthm@tgn.net>

-40-

The guy who can't keep feet out of his mouth, but tries to talk anyway:

Glenn <gmorris@bssc.edu.au>

-41-

The guy who presses the button that doesn't actually
do anything, but makes a hell of a racket:

Julian <funkyj@geocities.com>

-42-

He who knows the answers but forgot the questions:

VT <vt1@IntNet.net>

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