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amuse me!All right. Be good, and I'll tell you a bedtime story. Are you being good? I don't believe you. Stop doing that. I worry when you do that. Leave the cat alone. I know it's fur is soft and you want fur like that, don't rip it off the cat. No. I said no. Not even a little. The cat WILL mind. Yes he will. Yes he will. Yes he will. I know because the cat talks to me. The cat tells me that you're a bad little girl who will miss her bedtime story if she doesn't calm down. Are you being good now? Don't do that either. Put down the knife. I know it's sharp. Stop carving your brother. No. Put down the heart. Put it down. Stop invoking your demonic associates. It means people you know, who you deal with all the time. If you don't stop making plans to rule the world with an iron fist, I know a little girl who isn't going to get any dessert tomorrow. Let's go wash the blood off, and then I'll tell you the story. Are you all tucked in snugly? What? All right, here's your teddy bear. Fine. Are you snug and comfy? Okay, here's the heart of your little brother. Are you snug and comfy now? Good. Here's the story.Once upon a time... because, precious, all stories start that way. It's a way of telling people the story has started. Once upon a time, there was an evil monster that lived in the middle of a deep dark forest. The monster lived happily, killing and eating innocent travelers that wandered through the forest. Stop that, dear. If you're hungry, I can get you some cookies. Put Daddy's finger down. That's right. So the monster lived quite happily, until one day, it suddenly decided that it wanted a baby. It didn't want to raise a baby, you understand, it just wanted to make sure that someone, somewhere, was descended from it. So the next time it saw a family of innocent travelers passing through the dark forest, instead of eating them, it kidnapped and raped the mother. When it was done, it returned the mother to her family, and went on it's merry way. The mother didn't live long after bearing... Aww. Isn't that cute. She fell asleep. If you listen, you can hear her softly muttering invocations of beings from the darkest depths while she sleeps. Good night, precious. Sleep tight. Don't bite the bedbugs.
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