. . .

Elizabeth and the Monster

"Would you like a bite of my steak," Elizabeth offered politely.

"No thank you," said the Monster. "I don't eat red meat. It's bad for the heart. I've got a condition."

Elizabeth tendered her condolences, secretly relieved.

"I do, however, require certain amounts of special vitamins that I can't seem to find elsewhere. None of the multivitamins I've been taking have seemed to help. My hair is coming out in clumps."

"It's hardly noticable," Elizabeth lied.

"That's kind of you, but I can see myself in the mirror. I'm going to have to find some sort of alternative protein source. None of the various fowls seem to work, and pork is just right out. I'm Jewish, you see."

"My grandmother was Jewish, but she -"

The Monster continued to talk over her. "I'm not strict about it, but enough of it has stuck with me that I won't eat pork. Can't stand it. If it were anything else, then I might bend a little, but not for that."

"Oh."

"So I've been going to this alternative therapist, and she came up with something. It's a little drastic, but desperate times, and all that."

"What's that?" asked Elizabeth.

"She told me that it was some of the more, you know, offbeat portions of my heritage coming to the fore. She told me that what would really hit the spot would be, well... this is kind of embarrassing."

"Tell! Tell!" cried Elizabeth, always one for gossip.

"Well, you know... I've got some Monsterous blood."

"Really? I would never have guessed," Elizabeth lied once more.

"Yes, so this therapist, she told me to, um, eat a little girl."

Elizabeth drew back in her chair somewhat.

"She said that a good, tasty, luscious little girl," the Monster licked his lips involuntarily at this point, "would be just the thing to sate my cravings. Properly seasoned with the fear of the hunt, and all."

Elizabeth drew back even more.

"Since nothing else has been working, and I do look really awful like this, I feel that it's time to give her advice a try. What the hell, you know? So I was wondering..."

"W-what?"

"If you'd mind terribly much if I, that is, if I killed and ate you."

"Yes!"

"Yes, you'd let me?"

"Yes, I'd mind! I don't want to be eaten!"

The Monster sighed. "You see, this is exactly the kind of reaction I was afraid of. This, this, selfishness."

"Selfishness? You want to eat me!"

"Yes, and you won't let me, despite knowing - knowing! - exactly what going without is doing to my hair. That, my dear, is selfishness, and it's precisely what's wrong with the world today that that sort of behavior is the norm. I think it's a sad commentary on the state of the country, I really do."

Elizabeth wavered. He did seem like an awfully nice Monster, and his hair did look terribly silly. "Well..."

"Yes?"

"Would it hurt?"

"I'm afraid it would have to. The proper leavening of pain tenderizes the meat. I've never done this before, so it probably wouldn't last as long as it would in the hands of an expert. On the other hand, it would mean that you wouldn't have to worry about how well you'll do on your report card this year."

Elizabeth brightened. This thought hadn't occurred to her. "I suppose."

"You mean it?" The Monster grinned widely at her. "That's great! That's really great. You won't regret this. I mean, you probably will regret it, but not for very long, unless I'm lucky and manage to keep you alive for a while, which I probably won't. I'll see you tonight, then?"

"Not now?"

"No, no, I have to come out from your closet while you're almost asleep. It's tradition, you know. I'll see you tonight!"

"Bye!"

That night, before the closet door opened, Elizabeth congratulated herself on her good deed for the day.

After it opened, however, she had a different feeling on the day's events.