Writing

Projects

Images

Shamelessness

Groups

Contact

Stories

Rants

Chaos

I think I have it figured out

'member how I was talking about figuring out what the hell I actually wanted to do with me life?

I managed to get a foot or two further down the path leading toward knowledge of my dreams.

I figured it out the the other day. I just finished reading a (really good) short story in which a young girl (around 15 - funny how that seems so young from here) comes across, well, a chunk o' magic. She uses it for something relatively important, and then says, "You know, why don't the rest of you all go away. I'm an ordinary girl, and I want to stay that way." And it does. And I thought to myself, "Well, that's the difference between you and me. I would have kept it. I don't want to be ordinary."

And then I stopped. And thought about it.

Funny how these things hit you out of the blue.

I don't want to be ordinary.

Some of you are thinking, "But... isn't that... what Alloni's life is all about? Not being ordinary?" True. But there's more to it than that. For two reasons:

a) I'm kind of slow sometimes. I mean, I can say something, believe something, and do something, for a long, long time, and it never sinks in. Until one day with a blinding flash it hits me, and I understand it as well as believing it. Or maybe it's more I all of a sudden BELIEVE it, when before I just thought I did. Now I KNOW it.

b) It's more than being not-ordinary. I want to be extra-ordinary.

Which tells me something.

Now the only problem is, how?