Writing

Projects

Images

Shamelessness

Groups

Contact

Stories

Rants

Chaos

rant

(Oh, no! You've aroused his ire! Run! Run! Run for your lives! Alloni is fierce when angered!)

<The ground begins to shake.>

(No! It's too late! Pray that he will spare your worthless lives!)

<The ground shakes more. Dark clouds start swirling in from the horizon. Huge cracks appear in the pavement below your feet. Then, in an anime-esque special effect, a huge, monstrous hand reaches out of the ground. Then another. Then another and another, a hideous four armed figure pulling itself out of its deep earthly tomb.>

<Finally, the figure pulls itself entirely free from the earth's grasp. It shakes itself, ponderously, chunks of dirt pattering around you. It fixes three of its many eyes upon you, and speaks.>

WHO DARES ANGER ALLONI?

(Um, please sir, please, we, we meant no harm, um, we, we were only, jesting, yes, that's right, jesting with your lordship, please, don't kill us, we meant no harm!)

IT IS TOO LATE. ONCE I HAVE BEEN AWAKENED, I CANNOT BE BURIED AGAIN UNTIL MY THIRST HAS BEEN QUENCHED.

(Y, y, your th-th-th-thirst f-f-f-f-for w-w-w-w-what, y-y-y-y-your lordship?)

I THIRST FOR... BLOOD.

(Blood?)

BLOOD. OR A SMOOTHIE.

(Blood?) <He faints.>

I DON'T REALLY WANT BLOOD. I'M JUST REQUIRED BY MY CONTRACT TO DRINK IT. BUT I REALLY WANT A SMOOTHIE.

<There is no response from the form stretched out before you.>

NO BANANA, MIND YOU. I HATE BANANA. ONE OF THE MORE BERRY ONES. RASPBERRY, IF POSSIBLE.

<Still no response.>

DRAT. I ALWAYS HAVE TO SETTLE FOR BLOOD.

<The huge form reaches out with one callused claw, picks up the fallen form, and flicks off the head, as easily as you would open a can of Coke. It lifts the body up to its lips, and drinks deeply.>

AAAAAAAAH. TASTY.

I WOULD STILL PREFER A SMOOTHIE.

<The form shambles back into the ground, muttering to itself. The ground pulls itself together, cracks healing. The clouds retreat to the horizon. Birds begin to sing.>

(Is he gone?)

(It looks like he's gone.)

I hate it when that happens. I lose more good personalities that way.