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The Alloni command

Incorrect usage for "Alloni". Correct usage is:

Alloni [ -b[l] ] [ -s ] [ -q level ] [ -a[ t target ] ] [ -l length ] [ -f filename ] topic1 topic2 topic3...

OPTIONS -a Annoying mode. This makes the Alloni output particularly annoying. Adding the -t target field indicates a particular target for this tendancy. If no target is given, the target is assumed to be *. -b Bitter mode. The -bl option is bitter about his love life. -s Silly mode. -q Randomness set at level. The output may be totally incomprehensible at levels of "very random" and above. Default is "unreasonably". -l Sets the output to be approximately this long. Default is "long and rambling". -f Filename for topics to come from. topic1... Topics that the conversation may or may not revolve around. If no topics are given, Alloni chooses from a long list, using a random seed of how long it's been since he ate rainbow sherbet ice cream. (This feature has not been adequately debugged. It sometimes changes topics unexpectedly, ignores them entirely, or combines them in odd ways.)

SAMPLE OUTPUT

Alloni -b -s -r somewhat -l short "rear-view mirrors" Stanley "red currant pudding"

I'm angry. You want to know why I'm angry? Too bad. I'm angry because of my rear-view mirror. I hit my head on it this morning. Which got me to thinking. Why have rear-view mirrors at all? Why not just have world class stanley cup tension simply by having a fight between a Tick figurine and a mound of Jello?

Alloni -q none -l "very short" drool

Drool. I feel boring. Drool.

Alloni -at "Alloni" -l "as short as possible" pain anger torment torture pain

*smack* Ow! *bam* Ow! *pow* Ow! Stop hitting me! What? Stop hitting me! Why'd you come in here, then? I want to complain. Oh, that's next door. It's being hit on the head lessons in here. What a stupid concept. Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore...

(No one ever claimed I was always original.)

BUGS -Topics are, as previously mentioned, prone to failure. -The silly mode sometimes turns itself on. -In my pants. They're everywhere. They're all around me. Bugs. Everywhere. Stop them. Please. For the love of mercy, please. -If someone mentions / displays relationships around him, he is prone to going into -bl mode. This bug is slowly being fixed. -In fact, all the modes are prone to switching themselves on and off. Don't sue.

There. Now you know how to invoke me.

From a command-line interface, no less. Don't claim I don't care.