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Noises"All unnatural. All Alloni. Not approved by the FDA. Use with caution."You mean, Senators usually are attempting to achieve the extinction of the human race? This is funny and bizarre. I must retain my alpha male status by writing back something funnier and more bizarre. or This is funny and bizarre. Why should I fight to retain my alpha male status? He already has the mating privileges. To do and notice: 1. Send Alloni email. 2. Watch as Alloni sends back more email. Why this works: Alloni is totally incapable of allowing someone else the last word. Thus, the only way to stop communicating is not to respond to anything he says or does. Of course, there is always the danger that he will take your lack of response as a response (ie that you are ignoring him), and send a response to this perceived response. Then the only solution is to change email addresses. From the new Exploratorium exhibit: Alloni - how well do you know the back of your hand? "Hmm. I've used that joke. I've used THAT joke. I overused that joke <yawn> a long time ago for about a week. Hmm. Well. The migratory, um, something. Patterns of a fully laden European swallow are, well, northish. Hmph." My mind must be an interesting place to be. Remind me to visit some time. What's so amazing? It's nothing any ordinary, everyday supergenius couldn't do. Is that an "I'm okay with that" fine, or a "If that's the way you feel" fine, or a "I hate you and I want you dead etc etc hitpeople etc etc dark alleyway etc etc squirrel toaster etc etc death and dismembering your forsaken corpse" fine? Is that a bitter "okay whatever" fine, an apathetic "okay whatever" fine, a happy "okay whatever" fine, a deceitful "okay whatever" fine, a cumulative "okay whatever" fine, or a claustrophic "okay whatever" fine? I'm going to be working on something extra-spiffy special for a little while. Try not to distract me (say, by beaming energy waves directly into my cerebral cortex. Sending me email is fine.) No! No giggling! No laughing, no snickering, no chortling, no having fun in general. This is work! Work, young lady! We are going to be serious! We are going to be humorless! We are going to use exclamation marks a lot! Of course I know I'm not in love with your shoe! It's just infatshoeation. Went hang gliding yesterday. Was told about Hawaii. Apparently, in Hawaii, not only do you jump off a clliff, there isn't enough of a ramp in order to allow you to pick up enough speed to be flying when you do so. This means you freefall 30-40 feet before your glider picks up enough speed to allow you to actually fly. I HAVE to try this. And, for the record, I simply mail a duplicate of my spleen to everyone who might possibly receive my email. It says quite clearly "use only as directed" on the front, so I don't see what right you have to complain. So if you see me hopping around and bopping myself in the head with a blue plastic squeaky mallet, you can assume I'm acting perfectly normal. If, on the other hand, I start speaking in a monotone, and take up chartered accountancy as a hobby, you can assume it's the drugs. Remind me...... to call my first daughter Philbert. Nononononononno. Not the weather channel. The whether channel. I mean, how could I get the weather over here? The five day forecast: Tues: Tingly and going to the edgish. Wed: Foreign. Thrs: Farenheit 452.37524 and 1/2 Fri: Classycal. Sat: Declasse' Cal. Unless things change. We will leave you know, Angie. No problem. By showing your support for my world domination, you are well on your way to a life of luxury, Some thoughts for the sig file: "Alloni: He's better than cheese toast." "Alloni: If Mussolini can do it, anyone can." "Alloni: Join me and we will rule the galaxy as father and son." "Alloni: Because people are gullible and easily led." God effectively has the perfect pair of Xray glasses. Maybe that's how he became god. Maybe he sent away for it the mail. That will do for now. Further instructions will follow. Make sure to keep in contact with the other members of your cell. Remember, the password/counterpassword are: "Do you want to apply for a Spiderman credit card?" "Depends. Is that the one with the 20% APR?" Next episode - Will Cheri find out about Brian and the polo mallet? Will Brian be taken in by Corgi's seductive whiles? Will Rachel and Aj's forbidden love cause Alloni to go insane with a shotgun? Stay tuned.
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