. . .

Feel honored

You have been chosen to assuage the boredom of the allknowing, allseeing, allpowerful, alldetergent, allorganic, allencompassing, allinall, allberquerque, allsubliminalyouwillgivememoney, Alloni! Bow down thrice toward the east in thanks.

Assuming I am somewhere in the east of you.

I gave in to temptation. I bought a Nintendo 64. You may be seeing less of me from now on. At least until I get bored, a process which may take 10 minutes. Depending. I don't know. I don't care. I don't see. I don't hear. I don't etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Sudden, spontaneous fatigue has overwhelmed me. I miss the days when I allowed myself caffeine.

I had something I wanted to tell one or the other of you. Can't remember what. The only reason I bring it up is that I need filler for other, less important information or lack thereof.

Sugar! Sugar is an acceptable substitute for caffeine for now. I have sugar in my drawer. Hold on.

Mmmm. Everlasting Gobstoppers. MMMMMMMMmmmmmm.

Acceptable substitutes for actual obscenities: Drat, darn, heck, shoot, spat, canteen, mortify, defenestrate (LOVE that word), alcoholic.

Or not.

I just persuaded my mother to give me a gift certificate for music for my birthday, now a month gone by. This makes me happy. (Envision me with a wide, moronic grin across my face. Shudder and try to erase the image from your mind. Fail. The image has now been burned into your frontal lobe. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, MY IDIOTICALLY GRINNING FACE WILL BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! HAHAHAHHAHA! THE WORLD IS MINE!)

Or not.

Maybe, from now on, I can just make every other paragraph the two, simple words "Or not." It will make much of my rambling make far more sense.

Or not.

Insignia in the Massive Alloni Army of Liberation (MAAL) are available at any fitness center and retail footwear stores nationwide. Costumes provided by E. E. CUMMINGS and associates. Additional footage shot in Catheter, Indiana. Broadcasting for this program provided by WKRP in Cincinnatti, WNWO in California, Nevada, and the rest of the world. WNWO - we know what you want to hear. And everything else about you. Void where prohibited. Batteries not included. Toys do not walk and talk. Winona Ryder played by Cher. Cher played by Winona Ryder. The Rise And Fall Of The Holy Roman Empire played by Steve from accounting. Talk To The Hand. The Hand Is Mighty. The Hand Is Powerful. Haven't We Done This Before? Bishop of Westminster played by herself. Scuba gear not included. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Mr. Alan Alda's hair worn by Eldridge Cleaver, or Strom Thurmond, depending. Perm!

Or not.

Marie Curie invented radioactivity. Isaac Newton invented gravity. Albert Einstein invented the Theory of Relativity. I invented the Or not.

Or not.

Gotta go, actual work calls.

Or not.