. . .

World domination plotting

I'm feeling megomaniacal. I may take over the world. Not today. No free time today, or, in fact, any time this week. The weekend, probably, though I might just decide to hang out with friends instead. Still, I'll probably have an hour or two in the morning. I'll need a fiendish plan.

I could use my mastery of force field technology to create a suit of body armor that makes me invulnerable and then destroy government buildings until my demands are met. Pros: I get to destroy government buildings. I get to do the whole thing in a hands-on fashion, and working with your hands is always highly rewarding. And I get to laugh through a loudspeaker as I get bombarded. Cons: If someone learns the one, minor thing my armor is not immune to, they'll be able to take me down, putting me directly in danger. A whole bunch of time and effort required.

I could develop mind-control powers. Pros: No effort required beyond the original mind-control power development. Can disguise my flunkies as a new, quickly growing cult, a la Koresh (as long as we don't stockpile weapons, and, really, why would we need to do that? we're safe). Cons: You. Yes, all of you folk, with those darn tinfoil hats you keep wearing. (On the other hand, as long as I don't tell you I'm part of the new cult, when the rest of the world has succumbed and we are the only ones to hold out, I can spy on your resistance movement unsuspected. Hmm. And I can even purchase some of your loyalties, since I know which of you are likely to be bought and with what.) This option bears further looking into.

I can start a new cult dedicated to the worship of one of the dark powers, whom I have promised to summon into this world in exchange for lordship and dominion. Pros: Once the dark power is summoned, he can do all the work. Cons: The hard part is summoning him. Also, dark powers are notorious for not keeping their promises when it comes to lordship and dominion. Even if it keeps its word, I'll still be the dark power's flunky. I prefer to rule on my own merits. I'm funny that way.

A moment. I need to practice.

Crawl before me, worms!

CRAWL before me, WORMS!

Crawl before ME, WORMS!

CRAWL BEFORE ME, WORMS!

Needs work.

Where was I.

I can create a vast army of mutant vegetables to conquer the world for me. Pros: They will be totally loyal. I can shape them as I wish. If one goes down, I can just create more, creating more an implacable than an invincible effect. Cons: Return of the Killer Tomatoes. While I wouldn't need to do the work, I'd still have to give all the orders, as they'll have the brains of, well, vegetables. (Possible fix: human subcommanders? Find vegetable geniuses?)

I can raise the dead. Pros: There are lots of them, more appearing all the time. Very spooky, especially with that whole "Jenny! You've come back to me!" *AAAAARRRAARRRRR* effect. Cemetary Man. Cons: Plan 9 From Outer Space. Effectively similar to army of mutant vegetables plan, but ookier.

I could run for world dictator. Pros: It would be totally legal, as long as I played it reasonably within the rules. I could make all sorts of campaign promises that I have no intention of keeping. Cons: Actually having to get people to vote for me. To win, I'd pretty much need mindcontrol powers, and if I had those, why would I need to run? Unless they were very subtle mindcontrol powers. Like subliminal tv ads, or something.

Well, for the time being, I'll try working on the mindcontrol powers angle, and maybe develop some decent forcefields.

INsigNIficant WORMS!

Oh, and just to make sure this whole email isn't revolving around just one topic: I like sugar.

Actually, if I just tossed that in as a non sequitur, then it doesn't really qualify as a non sequitur, does it? Problems. Come and see the violence inherent in the sysadmin! Help! Help! I'm being repressive!