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1. Be Good. These being fairy tales, evil never really prospers in the end. Evil may convert to Good, but this doesn't always save it. Note that Being Good consists of loudly proclaiming that you are Good and of little else. Murder, torture, and theft are all acceptable behaviors as long as you're doing them in the cause of Good. Exception: If you murder, torture, and steal in the name of Good because you belong to some religious organization, it will be understood that you're actually Evil. If you belong to some religious group, you have to act Good to be Good. Sorry.

2. Pay back debts. To anyone. This can be as simple as if someone does something nice to you, doing something nice for them in return, though this is not required. What is required is obeying your sworn word in dealings. If you make a deal with some great cosmic force for a favor in return for your firstborn child, you'd better deliver them the child or else you're in for a world of hurt. Corollary: the person you're dealing with _can_ deliver their part of the bargain, and if you don't have a firstborn, you will shortly, whether or not this seems possible. If you want visitation rights to the kid, speak up now or forever hold your peace. Exceptions: Wriggling out of deals by obeying the letter of the law is barely acceptable. Far more acceptable is to renege by forcing the other side to renege on their part of the bargain. This is the approach most frequently used when making a deal for your soul. Careful, though - the devil is tricky. Souldealing is the only type of deal that it is generally possible to escape from with no illeffects, though sometimes the tale takes a "deal with the devil and you're screwed" approach. Be very careful to know who you're dealing with.

3. Always follow directions. I cannot stress this enough. If you are told by some passing stranger that the only way to escape your predicament is to strip naked in public and dance the tango, we'd better be seeing buns flying pronto. If they tell you the wooden dipper is the one you use, then no matter how purty the golden one is, touch it and you're toast. Exception: Once in a blue moon the Evil one will disguise themselves as your friend in order to give you inaccurate advice. Don't follow the Evil one's advice. See rule 4.

4. Trust your feelings, Luke. Too often, we see too many heroes and heroines get a bad feeling about a situation, or think they see an Evil leer on someone's face, or feel an overwhelming sense of danger, and then just shrug it off as imagination and move on. It isn't your imagination, and they really are the Evil one in disguise. If something seems wrong about what they're telling you to do, like they're telling you to sacrifice a small child on the altar of Darkness at midnight, don't do it. Exceptions: Learn to distinguish feelings of Evil from feelings of general disgust and embarrassment. Also, even more rarely the Evil one will bother to send you false feelings of Goodness and rightness. In which case, give it up. You're dealing with someone who is very good at their job, and while you aren't doomed, you've got some rough times ahead of you.

5. Never be a sidekick. Sidekicks die. Either be one of the heores/heroines, or be a random passer-by. There is no middle ground.

6. The more harmless it looks, the more dangerous it is. That old woman is a fairy (either Good or Evil), the tasty-looking meal is poisoned, and the small pebble has world-shattering power. Treat them all with respect. Unfortunately, the reverse is usually not true. That huge, hideous dragon can mess you up bigtime, although every now and again it'll turn out to be an illusion.

7. If you've got wishes, you've got problems. Either you'll end up right back where you started or far worse off. Corrolary: Always always always save your last wish for undoing the damage of your earlier ones. Never use one of your earlier wishes to undo the damage, or you'll proably use the last one to wish for something apparently harmless and regret it immediately. Exception: Excruciatingly rarely your genie-being will be a Nice Being. In this case, you may end up ahead of the game, but don't count on it, and _never_ piss them off. Also, if your requests are intentionally small then your genie-being may choose to grant them rather than twisting them in some fashion. Wishing for a thousand dollars is generally safer than asking for a million. If your requests are _too_ small, though, this may get them mad.

8. Random small presents that seem useless at the time, on the other hand, are Good mojo. When an otherwise unsolvable situation comes up, they will make everything happy for you. This may be because the Powers That Be like giving gifts but hate doing requests. And They don't do windows. So remember, kiddies: gifts - Good, wishes - Bad.

9. The skeptics are wrong. "That's nice dear, now go to bed." "Birds can't talk!" "That staff doesn't really have the power of Eldron the Magnificent. Let's get him!" Pity them for their ignorance. Mocking them to their faces is considered impolite, though precocious youngsters of probable great magic ability can get away with it. Making up rude rhymes about them is illadvised, as they may be wrong, but they can still send you to bed without any supper, young missy.

10. Omens are infallible, though generally misunderstood until they actually occur. If you see a vision of yourself dying in battle, you or someone who looks like you will seem to bite it before the story ends. Sometimes you seem to have freewill, but it's an illusion - you'll have the opportunity to avoid your vision, but realize the consequences of doing so are worse than if you obey. Try not to let it get to you. That spear you saw go through your side might not be mortal, and even if it is it's always possible a mystical force will heal you before or shortly after you go to the Big Fairytale In The Sky.

11. If nobody Good notices that what you're doing is really Evil, it isn't. If you rob passers at bowpoint, kill thousands of random guards, and torture a demon with shots of holy water, as long as nobody thinks to comment, "hey, do the ends really justify these kinds of means?" they do. Of course, if someone does comment, then they're going to die in a tragic accident fairly shortly, and while your reign may be short, it'll be fun while it lasts. Don't worry if Evil people kvetch about your Evilness, though - they're just jealous.

12. Revel in your Evil ways. This is more in the nature of advice to help you enjoy yourself than to help you live. Don't angst about your Evil state unless you're really trying to turn Good and save your own sorry behind - sure, you'll probably survive, but doesn't it lack a certain dignity? The bright side about being Evil is that there are no real rules for it. "It's better to burn out than fade away." Don't let the fact that you're Evil stop you from doing nice things for your friends and having a loving marriage. Don't let any scruples stop you from destroying those who get in your way. You'll go down fighting and be remembered for generations yet to come. If you have lots of style, you might even be remembered better than the hero.

13. If you're young and attractive, you will find True Love. Don't stress about it. Even if you're a hideous monster, there's a chance you're really young and attractive underneath.

More may appear at some point when I feel like it.