. . .

Nuthin

Doin.

Nuthin Duin. The new fragrance. From Loreal. How to tell. Your man. That he ain't gettin some tonight. Use the new fragrance. Nuthin Duin. From Loreal. He thinks. A few flowers. Will get him out. Of this one? He's wrong. And you can tell him so. With the new fragrance. From Loreal. Want to. Tell him. That it's. Over now? Want to. Tell him. You've found. Someone else? Especially. If. That. Someone. Else. Isn't. Another. Man? Use the new fragrance. From Loreal. Nuthin Duin.

Talking like that gets addictive. Must! Speak! In! Complete! Sentences!

It's the caffeine. I had a Coke Slurpee earlier on. Annoying how I can trace my bouts of scribbling to how much caffeine I've had in the recent past. Will flavor to suit.

Saw D&D the other evening. It's one of those movies that should never have been made, and they managed to screw it up even worse than I had imagined. (I had this whole mental plot worked out, in which a gaming group consisting of suspiciously attractive people who just happen to be "outcasts" game to escape, and their DM is actually Elminster who tosses them into Forgotten Realms in the forms of their characters to solve a Great Quest to Save The World that for some reason needed these losers to do it. They go off, use their skills to Save The World, including their mundane "useless" skills, possibly even including frycooking. Definitely using their knowledge of the D&D world to best advantage. ("It's all right, he's only 4th level. He can't cast fireball yet.") Eventually save the world, return to normality, and become popular because of the skills they learned in D&Dland. The bestlooking girl and the wimpiest guy fall in love. That sort of thing.) The plot they came up with is actually worse than that one. Written by a committee of 12yearolds. It would have helped if their actors had known how to act, the director had known how to direct, the special effects hadn't looked like they had wires coming out of them, or the actual words the characters said didn't cause physical pain to hear.

The problem is that every idea I come up with has a direct parallel to an idea I've scribbled before. At this rate, I won't even talk for fear that I'm being unoriginal. The easy solution - kill you all and get a new crop of people on this list who haven't heard me rant - is made less easy by the fact that I don't have the money to travel to Dallas, much less Australia. Maybe I can borrow money. Maybe I can borrow money from you. Care to contribute to the Kill You All fund? I'll even set up a list of prizes for high contributors. Highest contributor will be killed first, or last, depending on their preferance. It'll be just like PBS. (Yes, of course PBS kills off their contributors. Why do you think they need to keep running those Pledge Breaks? New blood. So to speak.) $50 will get you a small sample of untraceable poison, $100 will be a small, functional letter bomb, $200 will get you a beautiful handcrafted silver knife between the shoulderblades, and $300 will actually fly you out here to meet me to be killed here, so you get a bit of travel.

Oh, I may have to name it something other than the Kill You All fund, to delude you gullible fools into thinking it's not for me to have the money necessary to kill you all. It'll be, um, the Borgia fund. For underprivileged orphans. You all have children, right? So if I kill you, they'll be orphans, thus fulfilling the purposes of the fund. No, there's the spouses. I couldn't kill them all too, they're not on this list, it'd be murder. Maybe we can set up a concurrent recruitment drive, so you all could get your spouses involved here.

No, wait, most of you don't have children. Never will, if I do this right. Or... maybe not. What with the whole human genome being mapped, and cloning, and so forth... I'll take cell samples from each of you, grow your clones in vats, raise you as closely as possible to your original growth patterns, and then resubscribe you all to this list, without having read all my plans and thoughts before! Brilliant! And since your "parent" will be long dead by then, you'll be orphans, and the Borgia fund's plans will be a success, and people will flock to my banner, and I can kill them all off too and raise their replacements, and if I raise them right I can early induct them with the principles of unending obedience to my will, and conquer the world that way! Genius! I get a new forum for my old thoughts, _and_ the world becomes mine to toy with! Life is good!

So, who wants to contribute? I'll work up a more complete list of prizes if you want to know exactly what you'll be getting at each level, if anyone really cares.

And Mary will be told exactly what the fund is for, so she'll be happy to contribute. But only Mary, because the rest of you sheep don't want to die. I assume. If you really do want to die, tell me now, and I'll tell you the real purposes of the fund.

Outside of that, not much. And yourself?