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Patchouli

And now, the news.

In whether today, the Whichness of the Why decided that His Imperial Existential Euphoric Royal Majesty The Prince and Total Ruler of All Existance would no longer exist today. His ceremonial duties will be filled by Jerry Springer, now to be known as Edmund Wells, and his decision-making duties will be filled by a large slug, now to be known as A Large Slug. Upon complaints, Edmund Wells Jerry Springer will be replaced by Edmund Wells Martha Stewert.

And now, the news.

In sporks, the Universal Truths displayed staggering skill and grace against the Eternal Verities, placing right after the ones who came in first. The Eternal Verities, on the other hand, came in next-to-last. Otherwise, Ooboolie Ooboolie Ooboolie Oohah declared, once more, that it was retiring, and that it hoped that it's long johns would still be ready on time. Angus Malorsky made a quick rebuttal to the effect that Young Frankenstien (pronounced Frahnkensteen) was still ahead by two points. No harm done.

And now, the news.

The stock report today will be given by our resident loony, MickMackMickMackMick, and he will be assisted by our guest loony, Sir Real. Sir Real, what do you think will happen with stocks over the next several months?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, hey nonny noony and a cha cha cha.

MickMackMickMackMick, do you have a response?

Well, this is not a problem. Not a problem. Not a problem at all. At all. At all. Because you see. You see. You see. Might makes right. Might is right! Right is might! Fight fight fight!

Thank you for your kind words of consideration.

And now, the news.