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Hola, companeros! Como estan ustedes?

I wrapped my lava lamp at work with a disassembled stretched out metal zipper. It looks vaguely like barbed wire.

I don't have a point to make. If you are expecting a deep philosophical diatribe, you should look elsewhere.

The question is, how much does your expectation influence reality? If you are expecting philosophy, anything can become philosophy. If I were to say "Spam, eggs, bacon, spam, sausage, and spam" you could interpret that as... well, something. Um, probably having to do with life being bounded by pain on either side, with pain within it, and having to work your way past, around, or through it to get anywhere. On the other hand, if you were discussing espionage, that could have been a coded message. "Meet me in the mine at 9:07 PM on Tuesday. I'll take out the guards at the back entrance. Bring the moose."

Oh, as an aside, I am now the Enforcer. Cower in fear.

Anyway, back to the discussion, which seems to be 1/4 philosophy, 1/3 general wierdness, 1/6 specific wierdness, 1/12 mathematics (what do you mean, where's the mathematics? We're discussing fractions now, aren't we?), a teaspoon of cooking, a tablespoon of something. Um. Something fairly undefinite, undefined, vague. You know. It.

And the remaining 1/6 spam.

Spam!

You know, considering how much everything is defined by your expectations, you must expect me to say some very odd things. If I were to drone on for 10 minutes about, say, higher mathematics, like calculus (a subject I at one point was perfectly equipped to do, might I add, although my calculus skills have gone amazingly rusty from disuse) you would probably look at me funny and laugh. Even if I was perfectly serious. Probably especially if I was perfectly serious. You expect strangeness from me, so I fall in love with poles. (It was love! Sure, I was attracted to it physically, I mean how can you avoid it, but I loved it for its mind, its personality, its soul.) Does it matter whether you expect them because they happen or they happen because you expect them? Probably. A more difficult question is can you tell whether they happen because you expect them or whether you expect them because they happen. To extend the question, is there any way of telling if we all live in little universes of our own devising? It is quite possible that when you think I am discussing philosophy, creativity, the nature of the universe, and whole wheat toast, I believe I am sending email to my solicitor, enjoining him to exercise haste in his dealings re the federal government, as the internal revenue service is stepping up their audit and is perilously close to discovering the second set of books. Or the reverse. Or anything. There is no guarantee that anything even exists outside of my mind. (Oh no, now he's going to go off on one of his little "you're all figments of my imagination" rants.) You might all be figments of my imagination. (See? He gets really predictable when he's like this. Watch: next he's going to claim it's possible that other minds exist out there, but he has no way of finding out for sure.) There might even be other minds out there, outside of mine, but if they are yours, or only a few selected people, or aliens, or even if they exist at all, there's no way of being sure. (Now, let's see. He sometimes just drops it here, and changes topics, because, really, there's very few places to go from here, or sometimes he makes a joke out of the whole thing. Figs is his pet term for it. Sigh.) What really gets me, though, is the loneliness of that whole point of view. (What?) I mean, think about it. The only thing you can really be sure of is your own existance. Even the fact that I'm saying "you" and "your" here is something of a misnomer. The only thing I can be sure of is the fact of my own existance. Everything I touch, everything I do, everyone I know, could quite possibly disappear when I change my mind, and that could happen any time. Can you really make friends, value material posessions, or even do anything at all besides think if you really, truely believe this? Amazingly lonely. That is one of the reasons I try to avoid this point of view, or make a joke out of it when I can't. That much emptiness scares me. (Well, what do you know. He has some depths I didn't know about after all.)

Occasionally, in my darker moments, I do honestly believe this. The rest of the time, I plaster over it. It does help me out sometimes. It helps me to see how many things people believe in and cherish only exist by consensus, like money. If people were to suddenly look at their wallets and say, "wait a minute - these things are just pieces of paper with no intrinsic value!" the whole monetary system would collapse. It would be interesting to watch. From the outside, preferably. But anyway.

(Hmm. Well, I knew he would drop it/make a joke out of it eventually. I just didn't quite expect the prequel. Tell you what, though. I'll try to nudge him back onto the path of wierdness and general hilarity. Give me a few moments.)

Just a minute. I just got a splitting headache. I'll go grab some drugs. Be back in a flash. (Momentary image of a superhero running up at supersonic speeds, unzipping himself, and revealing me.)

(Okay, while he's gone, I want to say a few words. First off, hi. Second, well, I'd like to take this opportunity to say what an honor it is to work with the two of you. I've seen most of your earlier stuff, and I think you two are just great. Can I have your autographs? It's not for me, it's for... uh... well, it's for me. I'm just the biggest fan. I'll hang it on my wall. I think you two work really well together. This is really a thrill for me. Wow. I mean, to actually have a part in a piece with BOTH Cheryl Nelson AND Aj! My kid will never believe this. Wow. She thinks you hung the moon, she really does. Actually, would you mind if tomorrow I brought her to work with me? She's seen everything you've done. Oh, wait, he's coming back. Shhh!)

Okay, I'm back. What was I talking about? Well, it doesn't matter. I'll just send this off. But I'd like to finish by saying:

I'm your only friend I'm not your only friend But I'm a little glowing friend But really I'm not actually your friend But I am