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Shake well

Shake well. Cut along dotted line. Do not cross double arrow. Stir vigorously. Do not Frotz grass. Do not feed the humans. Warning! Despite any claims to the contrary, product consists of 99.999% empty space. Void in Arizona, Quebec, and where otherwise prohibited. Not to be served cold. No CODs, please. Call 1-900-O-NO-DONT, or 1-888-NO-WHY-ME. Kids under 18, ask your parents before dialing. Kids under 10, you must be extremely precocious to even want to dial. Kids under 1, you must either have been reincarnated recently or controlled by a super-human intelligence (whether demon possession, alien parasite, or an intellect composed entirely of fluctuating energy fields) to dial. Also void in Ontario, Nova Scotia, Hawaii, Alaska, and the continental United States. Violaters will be trespassed. Trespassers will be violated. Believe me, you don't want to be violated. This promotion only available in the United States and Canada. Employees and relatives of employees are not eligible for this offer. That includes anyone related in the slightest degree to an employee. Not of ours, of anyone. We have teams of researchers that will check the family lives of everyone in your family and anyone at all related to you to make sure none of them worked a day in their lives. We're not joking. This means you. The Real World does not reflect the real world. Calistoga is not to be used as a non-dairy creamer. Void everywhere else we didn't mention. This is a one-time only limited offer, so act now!

Good enough.

--me and Me and ME