. . .

Callistino

Clabk Eloh! It's now or never!

Memories. Sigh.

If a widget waddles, it's a waddling widget. If it wibble-wobbles, it's a wibble-wobbling waddling widget. If it worries you, it's a worrisome wibble-wobbling waddling widget. If it is white, it's a white worrisome wibble-wobbling waddling widget. If it's a republican, I don't want to talk about it any more.

It. Such a beautiful word.

So tell me. What does the phrase orig-wusage mean to you?

Dried roasted sheep haddock.

Now I'm just being random. ("'Just' being random? I'll have you know, randomness is a most noble profession, selflessly serving humanity. Alloni, you are not 'just' being random. You are - a goddess." "I also have a cat." "Is there no end to your talents? You work, you raise a pet, where do you find the time? You are one of the most fascinating people I've ever met. Okay, let's say hello to your opponent."

"Hi, my name is Phyllis, I'm a figment of Alloni's imagination, I'm male, wear platform shoes, and stand around 5'2"." "So who really cares. It's time to play the game." "What game?" "The game of life, of course." "How do you know if you win?" "Well, for one thing, figments don't even get to play." "That's not fair!" "I agree with him." "Oh, shut up, you. If I'm a figment of your personality, you'd better let me say what's on your mind. I can sue! Figments should have rights too! Figments should have rights too!"

Hours pass. The Game Show Person, who hasn't been assigned a name, a sex, an appearance, or basically anything else, is barricaded inside the studio (Of course it's a studio. All game shows take place in studios.) along with The Camera Person, who hasn't had any lines at all, and quite possibly won't, and Alloni him, her, or itself (him! Yeah, what-EVER.) Outside is a rampaging mob of figments of people's imaginations, all carrying those signs that you never see anywhere but protests. I wonder where they come from. Is there a secret factory out there? Do they develop through budding? (Notice how you never see a stack of them at protests, but there are always enough for everyone, even if more people join the protest.) But anyway. In the crowd, we see Phyllis, Fred (looking somewhat the worse for wear), Kathy (who seems to be lost in memory), Kevin, Mitchell, Valdir, that dwarven mage whose name I keep forgetting, Valen, Donald (that's Agent Silban to you), Blaze (Hi Blaze! Hi! You reached puberty yet? No, and I probably never will, thanks to you. That's why I'm protesting. Oh.), and many others.

(One system crash later.)

I hate my life. I had written many more interesting and creative things, but I've forgotten most of them. Luckily I saved this much.

Well. Let's see what I can reconstruct.

(It's a pity. There were some real gems in there. Hmm.)

Did I mention the budding signs yet? I got that far.

I am deeply confoozled and distracted by this.

Hmm.

Confoozled - adj. 1. Confused, disturbed, insane. 2. Alloni's normal state of being. 3. Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. Army of Darkness. 4. (rarely) On drugs. 5. See 6. 6. See 5. "I was so confoozled last night, the chipmunks ate my artichokes while I ate the parking ticket."

You can get a permit for that, you know.

Anyway. More hours pass. The crowd outside is almost gone. Phyllis remains, with a gleam of hatered in her eyes. This does not bode well.

She's (HE'S! HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S HE'S!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? Okay, all right, sorry.) He's off to the side talking with my subconscious. This could be very - that's odd. I have this strange urge to run around with my underwear over my head spouting Rosicrucian literature. Neeblix! Neeblix! All hallowed be thy name. I inhale threateningly. I quiver ominously. I follow as the winds lead me to an intricately carved wooden box, which contains a crimson shroud. Slumber calls. I fall forward into it.

Mordechai! How you oppress me.

A fond adeiu to you and you.

Wait a minute! All this is just one big parenthesis! You're nothing but a bunch of cards!

EXEUNT ALL

There is something to be said for randomness, however.

Until we meet again.