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Nummy. Barry Biscuits.

On second thought, I will make said list. Praise Aphrodite.

TOP 101 or until I get bored and start making up random numbers WAYS TO CHEER YOU UP OR GENERALLY MAKE A NUISANCE OF YOURSELF, WHICHEVER

1) Fnord. 2) You know what fnord is, don't you? 3) Haven't you ever read the Illuminatus Trilogy? 4) You poor thing. No wonder you're so depressed. 5) Here. You can borrow my copy. 6) I put it in your computer. Reach through the screen and grab it. 7) What do you mean, you can't reach through the screen? 8) Why not? 9) Well, I'll try to push it through. 9) Nope. 10) I had an extra 9 there, didn't I? 11) Yep. 12) Well, I'll skip to 14. 13 is bad luck, anyway.. 14) Not that I'm superstitious. 15) No, really, I'm not. 16) Honestly. I wanted to own a black cat, even. 13) Fine. Here. 18) Honestly. Some people. 19) Where was I. 20) Oh yes. 21) **CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF THE POPE** 22) Don't ask me, I just work here. 23) **CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF THE UNITED STATES POSTAL AUTHORITY** 24) **NOT CLASSIFIED, BUT PROBABLY SHOULD BE** 25) **CENSORED** 26) Censored? I can't even say **CENSORED** any more? What about **CENSORED** **CENSORED**? Or **CENSORED**? Or **CENSOREDCENSOREDCENSOREDCENSOREDCREAMCHEESECENSOREDCEN**? (Cheri, if you're reading this, nyah.) I can say moist, can't I? How about pouting? Throbbing? Then how come I can't say **CENSORED**? What a gyp. I'm being **CENSORED** censored. **BRAN MUFFINS**. 27) **CENSOREDCENSOREDCENSORED** sucks **CENSOREDCENSOREDCENSORED**. 28) Enough fun with authority crushing creativity beneath its iron heel. (No! You can never have enough fun with authority crushing creativity beneath its iron heel!) Move along. Nothing to see here. Please disperse. 29) I'm only up to 29? I'll never make it. Unless i start numbering letters or something. 30) Y 31) e 32) a 33) h 34) , 35) 36) t 37) h 38) a 39) t 40) ' 41) s 42) 43) t 44) h 45) e 46) 47) t 48) i 49) c 50) k 51) e 52) t 53) ! 54) No. Dull dull dull dull dull. No. Bad. Bad Alloni. Bad Alloni is going to be beaten. (Cheri, look away,) Bad Alloni is going to be beaten by leather-clad lesbian nuns. Bad Alloni is going to have the time of his life. (You can look back now.) 55) Sigh. 56) I think I have too active of a fantasy life. 57) Either that or too inactive of a personal life. 58) Either way it kind of sucks. 59) Ook. 60) Now I'm depressed. 61) I wallow in the Slough of Despond. 62) Deep depression. 63) Angst flows from my pores instead of sweat. 64) Heartrending angst. 65) Well, okay, semi-heartrending angst. 66) Angst that is heartrending if you have a weak heart? 67) Maybe made out of tissue paper? 68) Although, really, that wouldn't work for pumping blood. 69) Muscle is what you need for that. 70) Muscle. 71) Um. 72) Am I boring you? 73) Because if I am, I can leave. 74) You don't have to sound so eager. 75) Just for that, I aren't ainten't ain't whatever going anywheres. 76) So nyah. 77) NYAH. 78) You heard me. 79) You looking for trouble? 80) Yeah? You wanna step outside and say that? 81) Ooh, now I'm angry. 82) I would not say such things if I were you. 83) I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU. 84) The preceding quote from The Princess Bride brought to you by the courtesy of the Enola Gay, the Titanic, the letter Q, and the number 69. 85) Sorry I didn't warn you in time, Cheri. I'll try to do better. 86) Hello boys and girls! #85 is what is called a lie. Repeat after me. "A lie." "That was a lie." "That was a vicious, decietful lie." "Alloni is a lying bastard." "We should slaughter Alloni and feed his remains to the sharks." Very good, boys and girls. 87) Or should I say girls and boys? 88) Maybe just girls. 89) An amazingly easy sex joke at Cheri's expense pops up right around here, but I'm not going to make it. Say thank you, Cheri. 90) Or maybe "pops up" isn't the phrase I should be using. 91) Thus far I have referred to Cheri 57 times in this message, and to AJ -7. While this has been done in an attempt to make AJ laugh, this is quite obviously unacceptable. I fail. I am a miserable failure. No! Wait! There is a way out. I can simply refer to you (that is you, AJ, you) many times in the next 10 or so entries. AJ. That will save me from appearing to be the sniveling wretched slime of a person that I actually am. AJ AJ. Yeah, that'll do it. AJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ. 92) Maybe I'm running away from gambling debts. That would explain everything. 93) That would explain nothing. Excuse me, folks. (*Smack* Ow! What did you do that for? *Smack* Ow! You're not making sense! *Smack* Ow! And I'm going to keep beating on you until you start making sense! *Smack* OwOwOw! You realize that you are me, right? Yeah, so? That means I'm beating on myself, right? Yeah, and thanks for reminding me! *SmackSmackBamPow* OW! But it makes no sense for me to beat on myself. You know, you're right. Gee. (Gee whiz, even.) Guess I feel stupid. Oh well.) 94) Sorry about that. 95) Sorry AJ, but I feel like poking Cheri again. Hold on one second. Oh Cheri? Think about this. "Discipline." I love doing that to her. 96) Of course, it will get old after a while. 97) Cheri can only hope for that day. 98) Well, I hope I have been sufficiently entertaining. 99) Next time on Alloni's world, Alloni plays with his... laser pointer, Phyllis complains about platform shoes, and Kenny dies. 100) So? What are you waiting for? 101) G'wan. Scram!

blah, whatever.

Yeah, that's pretty much the best response to anything.

Praise Aphrodite.