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Mi corazon es abburrido. La biblioteca esta enamorada con Milton BradleyOr, roughly translated, on the off chance you don't speak Spanish, which I believe I recall that you do, but I feel like translating: "My heart is boring. The library is in love with Milton Bradley."Heathen savage! My brow furrows! I understand your hideous ploy! Kapow kapow kapmy kaphead kaphurts! You deny the awesome power of Television the Father! Television the Mother! Television the Fourth Cousin Twice Removed From the Mothers Side of the Family, A Cadet Branch That Everyone Makes Fun of at Family Reunions! My spleen forcibly vents! I vacate undeniably! I utilize exclamation marks with great abandon! Radio KRMR is now closing it's broadcasting day. Stay tuned for more exciting adventures of "Loopy Pack!" I would think up something funny to say, but I'm feeling rather loopy. So instead, I'll sing, you'll pay me money to shut up, and I'll go away happy. With money. "Only make believe I love you (bonk bonk bonk) Only make believe That you love me (bonk bonk) Try to find Peace of mind..." Thank you. I think I just accidentally disemboweled myself. If I come home bleeding and forcing bits of myself into other bits of myself, you'll know what happened. Was looking in the mirror this morning. <Pierre starts going into his "amazingly vain" mode. Those of you in the audience who are easily nauseated may wish to leave. Quickly.> I suddenly realized what a gorgeous piece of humanity I really am. My rippling muscles, my cleft chin, I truly am an Adonis. <Lives in a world all his own, folks.> I am shocked that all of you peons out there don't simply fall to your knees in awe at my glory. My merest glance causes heart palpitations in all women and most men. I will be immortalized in song and... wait a minute. <Shake shake shake.> Never mind. It's the heat. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is 37-36, and 10 is the square root of 100, how many of you think we should stop testing chemicals on animals and switch to human testing? All we have to do is release all the animals, and when someone complains about it, we shoot them with a trank dart, stick them in a two foot square cage, and inject them with various toxins. To facilitate people complaining, we could release the animals inside their houses. Sure, at first we could call it research, but as people got more and more inured to the hideous monstrosities we would be perpetrating, we could start making money off selling tickets, and then turn it in to a TV show, make a movie out of it, and eventually destroy civilization as we know it. Which is all for the good. "The basics of rational thought. 1/2 unit. Requirements: The desire to stop throwing feces at the other monkeys. Note: This course is usually cancelled due to undersubscription." I just want to take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Friday The 13th, and to hope that as few of you as possible get maimed, fired, or brutally murdered. Slightly off topic, I found an old quote by me, from many years ago: "My faith in the essential stupidity of the teeming masses is proven correct once more." It's nice to know my essential cynicism has remained unchanged over the years. Mmm. Monday sounds good to me. Let me just check my calendar. <Alloni stands up behind his desk. He makes walking motions like he's walking down a staircase, and gets shorter and shorter. Eventually he disappears entirely. You hear him knocking around in a large, hollow-sounding cavern. He hits what sounds like his shin on something, and curses softly. You hear a match being lit. A pause, then some paper shuffling. The sound of a match being blown out. Sounds of Alloni walking up the staircase. His head appears, then the rest of him. He seems to have a cobweb sticking to his hair.> My schedule seems to be free then. <You push him aside and look behind his desk. You see carpet.> What? What was that for?
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