. . .

There has been a question

There has been a question from the audience. (The audience, in this case, being me.) The question is this:

I was reading your emails, and I started quivering, and shaking, and eventually couldn't hold it in any longer, and laughed up most of my internal organs, and then laughed while trying to shove my internal organs back into my body, and then laughed while I was being fired and thrown out of the building. This happens a lot. So what I was wondering was, are you always this funny?

A question more frequently asked than I would like, my good man! Let's go to the man on the street:

Our Roving Reporter (ORR): Excuse me, sir.

Man On Some Street (MOSS): Yes?

ORR: I have a question for you. Is Alloni always this funny?

MOSS: What?

ORR: Is Alloni always this funny?

MOSS: Are my pants undone?

ORR: No, sir, I'm just trying to find out -

MOSS: She was cancelled, wasn't she?

ORR: Who, sir?

MOSS: Ellen.

ORR: Yes, I think so, but -

MOSS: A good thing, too. She was one of Them. You know, Those People.

ORR: Which people, sir?

MOSS: The Gnomes of Zurich.

ORR: What?

MOSS: The Gnomes of Zurich. Ellen was a high-ranking member of the Gnomes of Zurich.

ORR: Well, that's nice, sir, but what I'm trying to find out is -

MOSS: They run the world, you know. They and all them other Illuminati folk. Someone should do something about it.

ORR: Like what?

MOSS: They oughta pass a law.

ORR: What kind of law?

MOSS: An anti large conspiracy law. Not small conspiracies, 'cause me an' my friends technically count as a conspiracy, so just big ones.

ORR: Wouldn't that result in the dissolution of all forms of government anywhere larger than a single township?

MOSS: No, stupid, governments ain't conspiracies.

ORR: Why not?

MOSS: They ain't organized enough.

ORR: (Pauses, ponders this.) Which, the governments or the conspiracies?

MOSS: Yes.

ORR: (Pauses again.) But that wasn't my question.

MOSS: It wasn't?

ORR: No sir. My question was is Alloni always this funny?

MOSS: Who?

ORR: Alloni.

MOSS: Never heard of her. But I'll tell you one thing. If she and all them other Illuminati show their faces 'round here, we'll haveta open up a can of whup-ass.

Well, there you have it. Directly from the man on the street.