. . .

Serious Angst and Ennui

I suffer the torments of the damned, as usual. I'm always suffering the torments of the damned. I wish the damned would have more imagination. I'm getting chilly.

I'm not touchtyping. Staring at the keyboard as I write. And I have bad posture. My typing teacher would have sentenced me to thirty lashes, and I wouldn't have enjoyed it in the least, no matter what They tell you. They lie, do you hear me? They lie! They always lie! From the very first moment Their wretched lips parted to reveal the pearly whiteness of Their teeth, the sculpted allure of Their tongue, the shapely curve of Their uvula, their... their... mmmmmmmmmm...

No, wait. I'm not supposing to be lusting after Their mouths. Lusing should not be what I am doing. I should be brandishing! Brandishing the siren call to arms! Brandishing my placard on high like a sword, striking at them from the very depths of hell! I STAND DEFIANT!

In a purely metaphorical sense, of course. Difficult to type whilst standing defiant. I might even say, impossible, if it wasn't for ergonomic keyboards.

Tools of the devil.

They are, I mean. Not the keyboards. That would be silly. Which doesn't necessarily make it untrue, mind you, just silly. I ponder this truth for a moment whilst trying vainly to recover my trin of thought.

Trin. It's a kind of Middle Eastern sparrow. Can carry up to 39.2 ounces at a flight speed of 47 mph. Very impressive, for a sparrow. I can do better than that, of course, but that's why they call me the Sparrow Queen.

It's a nobility thing. You wouldn't understand.

I need a guestwriter. It's like ghostwriting, but without all the hassle of paying someone else. If you call it an 'homage', no one gets hurt, and the readers pay through the eyebrows. I revel in my own deviance. I mean, deviousity. That word, there. With the thing. And the other thing. No, not that one! You toy with me at your peril!

I can eat sugar. That'll calm me down. I sugarize. Pardon.

I am brilliant. I have just not eaten a is the singular of Pixie Stix Pixie Stik? Anyhow. I haven't eaten one. I poured the contents into a bowl. And now, the moment of truth! I'll pour in... another Pixie Stik! I'm brilliant! Pardon me once more.

The results are not as Mighty as one might have hoped. Simply a cup full of assorted colors of Pixie Duxt. Ah, well. Bottoms up!

Keanu Reeves moment: Whoah! I feel... wonky. I feel... like... BRAIN SPASMS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!

For science.