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10/8/02 It's too early for this. I think I'm going to have to give my girlfriend a good talking to. Not for any particular reason. I just like talking to my girlfriend. Yesterday was all backstabbing, lies, and betrayal. I enjoyed it immensely. I'm only sorry that people were so civilized at the end of it. Come _on_, people! Be true human beings! Other than that, I need me a good partridge. And some Shostakovitch. G'night.
9/30/02 Timing is everything. Just so you're aware. Phone calls that are good things to have at some points in the day are bad things to have at other times, dammit. I've been yelling at passersby to get them to pay me money to touch my wood. Very few did, actually. I mean, many touched my wood, but few paid me. Annoying. Also, I've been practicing my alliteration. It gets amusing responses. Capsule summary which tells you nothing. My specialty!
9/23/02 Ahey hey! See? Once a week. Things I have done in the recent past include working at Faire once more (I'm a Monger, in case I haven't said on an open forum. This means that during hours, I sell random stuff to people on the streets (I'm currently a faggot monger. Bundles of sticks. Why? What did you think I meant?) in such a way as to amuse and entertain them, and other times, I get bombarded with sexual innuendo. We have after hours porn readings. It's very odd. I enjoy) and starting my fall classes. Well, I'm about to do that. My classes sound... well, breathtakingly dull, but we shall see. You happy? You happy now? You happy?
9/9/02 Corroded. You've missed me! I'm touched. No, you haven't missed me. You hate me. You plot my demise. You don't send me email to comment on my journal entries when I do make them. In the news today: I'm alone in an infinite void, as my brother is at work and my mother is heading to Israel for two weeks. Ought to be entertaining.
3/13/02 Death and devastation. I will destroy you all. Enough! Enough! A thousand times enough. I shall stand sit proud, secure, knowing that I never have, nor ever will I display the results of any online testy thingies here. Write! That's all! That's all I ask for that's all I request just write! Otherwise: Anarchy. And not the good kind, neither. I forbid any more. I'll be ignored, but at least I've made my pointillism.
1/10/2 If I am to be judged harshly, let my sins be known to all that they may judge for themselves. Firstly, let it be known that I, willingly and with knowledge of the consequences, did without mercy sentence myself to lingering death by life. Slowly, it sucks the life fluids out of me. The darkness hungers. Soon it shall embrace me. Secondly, let it be known that I have mocked goths in such a subtle fashion that it was impossible to tell whether I was mocking them or emulating them. Or did I? Thirdly, let it be known that I do in fact believe that Dancing Goats is a horrible name for a coffee blend, and that the ad for it itself must in fact be some form of Satanic plot. Fourthly, I'm all right. I just feel portentious. And amused by life.
11/26/1 Haven't updated in a while now, so I will now, for those of you who get the details of my life just from this page. The quick version: my father died on the early morning of 11/11/1, followed that evening by his mother, my grandmother. It wasn't quite as much of a blow with her, as she has been languishing for the past ten years in a senior care center, and for around 8 of those years her mind has been entirely gone. To the point where she didn't remember how to speak English, couldn't tell that there were other people around, that sort of thing. Still, it's a deeply odd and hurtful coincidence. In the time since then, we've been... surviving. Mourning. Moving on with our lives. All the things you're required to be doing at such times. I'm still not really in the mood to be funny at you. Next update, I promise.
11/5/1 My father's dying. I've known he was for a while now, but... he's closer now. Much closer. I have nothing funny to say about that.
10/5/1 Why is it that when I'm trying to be entertaining, the first phrase that occurs to me is "in my sock drawer"? I don't even have a sock drawer. Less than a week now. And then a week and a half after that. And then what will you have to look forward to, hmm?
9/20/1 You were wondering. You couldn't help it. "What wacky misadventures have Alloni gotten up to this time?" Well, all I can say is that gotten up is certainly the right choice of words, eh eh nudge nudge wink wink. Yes, you guessed it: I bought a ladder. Waitwaitwaitwait ponderponderponderponder how long now? 3 weeks? Hmph. Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. Nothing else. It's been three days since the last one. Cope.
9/17/1 Trying to be. Not to be depressed. Not to be tired. Not to be wishing I were elsewhere. Just be. It can be harder than it looks, but I'm managing this time. People keep telling me I sound depressed. Nope. What's actually going on is that this is the norm. I sound like this usually. No, it's just when I am artificially inflated that I am sparkly. That just happens to be the majority of the time, is all. And no, I'm not depressed. I'm trying to sound it, however, so I can call myself sparkly unexpectedly. Look! Sparkly! Pretty lights. I wish I was better at interpreting signals. That. That would help. ...not that some signals are difficult to interpret, mind you.
9/11/1 You've come here for a haven of decency and security, a sense that here, at least, no one will be speaking of it. You're right. Everyone else is. I'm going to ignore it entirely. Well, decency is relative. So is security, really. According to the customs of a small tribe that lives hidden deep in the Andes, not only am I decent and pure, but I make a damn fine replacement for Alka-Seltzer. Damn fine. I repeat this, to make sure the point sinks in, and because I just like the phrase "damn fine". It's an oxymoron, really. Expanded, it means "damned to eternal torment good", which may become a catchphrase of mine, if it catches on. Votes? I started telling someone about my parents, the other day. I started talking abou how they were evil dwarves who lived in the center of the earth, and how they were disappointed that I didn't join the family business (that being, naturally, brutally ravaging and pillaging the surface world). It wasn't until I said the phrase "who live in the center of the earth" that he realized I was being less-than-serious. I wonder sometimes. I'm semitechnicallyemployedkinda, which is nice. And people will be travelling the country in search of my company, which is nicer, especially these people. (Yes, feel flattered. Feel threeted, even.) I've been thinking too much. A bad habit I can't seem to break myself of. On the other hand, it does have advantages. I get a discount from stores across the country because of it. It's on the card. "You think too much. But! You get discounts! Woo hoo! Discounts!"
8/21/1 I'm feeling the need to do something with my website. Something New. Something Interesting. Something that will make it Actually Worth Visiting. I know, a surprise to all. A list of randomly written stuff will not be a help. Hmmm. Don't have easy access to much graphics intensive. Even if I did, I'm lazy. Long hmm. Suggestions?
8/19/1 Life continues to be wierd and complicated in new and exciting ways. Back in California. Which is an oddness in and of itself, but one that I've become somewhat accustomed to by now. Jobless. This will change eventually. Meanwhile, I suffer. In as much as "suffer" is defined as "borrow lots of money from people". And Faire. Faire is, and I am, and we are together. Starts next weekend after fartoomuch/notenough preparation. Should be Big Fun. Will be Big Fun.
7/26/1 Life is wierd and complicated. But then, I should have assumed that by the subheading on my instruction manual. Oh, yes. Didn't you get one? "Life: Wierd and complicated". Goes into detail about those things that everyone wishes they knew. I have all of life's answers. Only got a chance to read the thing once, but once was enough. Now if only my memory wasn't so bad. There was a quick and easy way to fix that. It had something to do with a cork and three small lemons. Hmph. Done tripping. Have arrived at final destination after some amusements along the way. Next: the next thing. Whatever that turns out to be.
7/16/1 You deserve a message. Short. Succint. To the point. Currently, I am travelling. Well, no. Currently, I am not travelling. Currently, I am staying with someone in preparation for further traveling. At the end of which I'll be in California. Yay me. Louisiana is what it was. Been here enough to be just terribly blase about the whole thing. Tomorrow: Kentucky. Now _that_ should be something.
7/2/1 So I've been thinking of getting a livejournal. And resisting. After all. I have my own website. (Such as it is.) I am the master of my own desthingy. Desawhatsis. Desitinny. That. Therefore: no need. ha HA! Somehow, my logic fails to persuade me. That hurts, man. That really hurts. I may cry. I've been threeted recently. Or flattered. Wish I knew which, in some cases.
threet (threet)
You-know-who-you-are and I decided that compliment wasn't fulsome enough and flatter wasn't honest enough. So there. Collect 'em all. Trade 'em with your friends. About my writings. Those there things. On that there page that you can get to from the main page and which I'm too lazy to link you to from here and besides which it's needlessly self-referential and illusory. As always: my email address is a matter of public record. I beg for commentary. I'll have you know, two no three people have sent me fanmail, and all three are now close personal friends of mine. (Admittedly, one was a close personal friend of mine beforehand. I think she was just in it for the candy.) Alloni at Pineal Dot If You Can't Guess The Rest Of It You Don't Deserve Me.
6/22/1 Twitch. Twitch. No news is good news is no news right? Have news. Other than that, things are going well. Reading writing arithmetic. Some things other things around. Planning making plans enterplanning. If I wasn't so tired. Or something. I'm not really tired. I'm joking. Funny! Laugh! Laugh, dagnabbit!
6/15/1 Preparations being made. For those of you who are curious: I'm moving back to California. At this point, it's necessary. Hmph.
6/11/1 I've made a decision. Now I need to start making preparations.
6/9/1 And now that I'm feeling introspectional, I have to say. I'm trapped. Life is a trap. I've got to go in the direction I'm going, simply because I don't know how to change that. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Plus. I'm lonely. Dammit.
6/8/1 I think that's right. The eighth. Seems like longer. Seems like shorter. Seems like the world turns again. I feel... unfinished, somehow. There's something I've forgotten how to do. Something. Something important, or it wouldn't be bugging me this much. There's something going on, too. My life is going to be changing dramatically at some point. I can feel it. Which isn't to say that that's a bad thing. My life, just at the moment (speak frankly for our studio audience) sucks. Big time. But I'm okay with that. I'm actually feeling pretty good for being so doomed. Which is a nice change. What am I doing wrong, exactly? Which wasn't what you people wanted to hear. I can tell, it's always peaches and roses from me or the whole world must be plummeting two ts one t? into the sea. Nope. I'm really a massively depressed person. I just hide it better than one might expect. Am I kidding? I must be kidding. Now for a complete change of mood. Ahem. There. I feel better. I want some Pixie Stix. You people: give me Pixie Stix. There is a pause. Hell with this. I am given to understand that people actually read this. With that in mind, I will rearrange it so that new stuff is at the top. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.
5/20/1 Update on status forthcoming. Uploading status... status upload complete. Standby for status update in 5 4 3 2 1 * exact stats classified for security reaasons Ship name: AM Kramer Class: Cruiser Hull dmg: 3% System dmg: 10% Est. repair time: 1 dy, 13 hr, 10 mn Crew efficiency: 78% Crew morale: Low *Speed: Low *Armor: Low *Weaponry: Medium Main computer: Class VII AI Cargo capacity: 145 (approx) End status report
5/28/1 Now I'm horny. This annoys me, as there is nothing I can do about it.
5/15/1 Why is our rallying cry always "Death to the heathens!"? Can't it be something nicer? "Flowers and candy to the heathens!"
5/10/1 In case you needed the reassurance: no, it isn't as bad as it sounds.
5/9/1 Now I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not even annoyed that someone is going to screw me over. No, I'm annoyed that I expect someone is going to be screwing me over. Wait until you hear the fatal words, man. Wait until then. I will destroy them all. You know that, of course. It's why you treat me with such respect, not to mention outright fear. Life goes. I've been ill, again, which seems excessive. Pain, weakness, and other less pleasant things to talk about have been my lot in life. Well, since yesterday, anyhow. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe everything is a sign. Maybe all the signs are pointing at the one thing that isn't a sign, and once I figure out what that is, it'll all fall into place. Thought will be required. I still want to know if people read this. The more people I have telling me how much they love my site / hate me and want me dead, the more impetus I have to add to it. Got it? My email is around@here.somewhere, where around is Alloni, here is Pineal, and somewhere is Com. Well, Org, then, if you must be picky.
5/5/1 Always look on the bright side of life. And other such Monty Pythonic sayings. Current update on life is something like: I'm enjoying it, more or less despite myself. Things don't seem like they're going to be looking up in anything approaching the shortterm, but at least I have money again. Nice to be able to spend a few bucks on self without going into conniptions. Romantically, I will destroy you all. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. Just those of you who annoy me. Particularly you, in the sport coat. Doing writing on some sort of regular basis, which is good. Only doing it when required to by outside forces, which is less good. Note to self: Always remember where you are. There are things I won't talk about here. Things that are too painful or too private to be displayed on anything resembling an open forum. Suffice it to say that one of those things is highly active just now. And it scares me.
4/24/1 Apologies and all that. I've been busy. Well, no, it just sounds better than "I've been doing nothing and just didn't have the common courtesy needed to write you a simple message". Things that have happened: joblessness. Californialessness. Staying at friend's house in a futile attempt to escape California, with a temp job to "pay the bills". We'll see what happens next, as I'm sure I have absolutely no idea. Except that it involves women, somehow. That last is a guess.
3/2/1 Yup, today is 3/2/1. I am deeply amused by this for no readily apparent reason. Current deathtoll: nil. Current jobtoll: also nil. Sucks to be me. I am bitter and peeved in your general direction. I can't take much more of this. Change. I need change. In the past, oh, seven months or so, I've come to realize something important. I won't tell you what it is. It's one of those personal things you have to realize on your own. Nyah. So it looks like I'll be moving back Californiaward, if only because of free places to sleep there. Also, I haven't attempted to plunder the job market there, so employment is significantly more likely. A few months of employment + rentlessness and I should be in pretty good shape. (For "pretty good shape" read "I will be able to pay off most of my debts". Oy, do I owe.) 'Tisn't precisely the most interesting thing to hear, but I felt I owed it to you to keep you up to date. More or less.
1/2/1 Well. I'm now the punchline to a joke. "I am so poor." "How poor are you?" "I'm so poor that a homeless man gave _me_ change." The tale, in long: Was in IHOP, with friends, who were paying the bill. Was old homeless man sitting there. Asked me if I had a five for five ones. Said I had nothing. Asked if I had change. Told him I was utterly broke. Started offering me his change. Kept turning it down, until eventually he told me to take it for luck. For luck, I took it. And then, immediately outside the IHOP, another homeless man approached and asked for change. Gave him said change. The circle turns. Well, I kept a penny. For luck.
12/25/0 I'd change this page more often if my life changed more often. Nothing yet.
12/3/00 Happy almost new year, boiz n gelz. I'm not employed, I wasn't employed, Big Corporation screwed me over, and I have yet to find a replacement definite. This Is Not Good.
10/18/00 I'm beginning to think that maybe I was wrong about no one reading my witty repartee in this thingie. (Point: repartee needs at least two participants. Counterpoint: you don't know us very well, do you?) Not one, but two separate people over the space of many many moons have mentioned to me that they noticed my website lamenting that no one reads it. Two friends of mine, mind you. Must do something about this. Maybe start advertising. (Maybe make website _worth visiting_, perchance? Quiet, you.) For those of you who care: vacation in Florida went utterly unasplanned. Car died, cost much money, got highly depressed, stopped being romantically entangled with romantic entanglement, and various other such nontrivia. A thing worth doing, perhaps, but one which I still wish had gone otherwise. The highs were pretty high, granted, but the lows were downlow themselves. Question: do I a) mope about loss of R.E., b) attempt new R.E., c) attempt to win old R.E. back (like how? bribery? give it up, boy.), or d) retreat back into my shell? I pick choice q, alex. But I'm employed, at least. Got job at Big Corporation for the time being. Shortterm contract. One which will not be extended, as don't agree with their drug policy, but need money too badly just now to refuse. Greed. Plain. Simple. Elegant. Next update: from here to eternity.
8/8/00 This message is just seven words long.
7/26/00 I'm doing it! I'm an individual! I'm a contenda! Not a lot changed. Futility of stiving hasn't impressed itself upon me any more than usual. Finding out that people whose senses of humor I respect respect mine in return, which... surprises me in odd ways. Sleep now. More later.
7/19/00 Wow. Three whole days since my last misstepment. That one was a stretch, even for me, boyo. Careful what you're missing. I'm missing the freedom to leave. I know that. I'm so busy mourning its loss I'm not paying attention to the fact I still have it. My own damn fault. Literally. I'm not leaving because I told myself not to. Damn my self! Still a month and a half to go. Then I'll meander some before something else comes along to distract me. I wonder if anyone else will join me? Wow. I've forgotten how fun it is to be able to do Whatever You Like. Just the thought of it is making my nipples tingle. Got it. Will keep to my commitments. Will be careful not to make any more for the near term. After this one lapses, I'm going to play a little travelin' music for a whilest. And play. I need some playtime. Amazing how much lesser 1.5 months sounds when you figure out something to do afterwards. Goodnight, Edward Rossini. Wherever you are.
7/16/00 Problem. I'm not really doing anything with my life just now. I've got a few friends around here that I hang around with, and I've got work, and I play far too many video games, but outside of that, nothing. I'm bored and depressed just now, and I have nothing to do about it. Sigh. Why do I get these things? Is there some sort of cycle? Every few weeks, do I lose enough blood sugars to put me in a down-shift? Or is it something deep and psychological that I don't want to deal with? Should I take drugs? (Different drugs.) Should I see someone? Or should I simply do what I do now - be depressed for a day or so and then move on? Should should should. What's all this talk about shoulds? Be. You are, just remember. Find out what to do with you. For now, I will... go and have something to eat.
7/6/00 I'm like the groundhog. Every few months I come out of my shell, and if I write stuff here, there'll be three more weeks of summer. Or something like that. I get all confused. For the benefit of the somethinglikethree of you who read this and only know about my life from what I type here: Hi. I'm in Austin. I've been in Austin since the beginning of the year. Mooching, mostly, though I did find an apartment a few weeks back. Moved in. Nothing special. Two bedroom, 1000 sq. feet, too much money, too few stock options. Still haven't unpacked a good chunk of the boxes my various posessions are scattered in. This may or may not change. Some of them may be permanent box residents until they return to the cosmic dust from whence they came. I did find that tophat. Lined it with tinfoil. Collapsible and everything. The tinfoil proved to be unwieldy when combined with the thing's collapsible nature, although now it is slowly losing its ability to remain collapsed, so I may reline it. I then, for a few months, searched for a cane, to no avail, until The Cane was located for me by the brilliant and gifted Miss Ann. It does tell you something about me that The Cane is drawing writing space equal to that which my move to this area is getting. May have to post a large message. "Journalize self". Put it on my desktop. Actually, I will do that. Given a reminder, you may be getting more updates more frequently in the future. Do not count on this, however.
6/19/00 This is getting depressing. Remind me to overcome some sort of hideous demonic threat to humanity. Then I'll be more interested in talking.
3/7/00 Hmph. Haven't updated in a while. And, I'm given to understand, a couple of people do look in here from time to time. Hi. However, I feel the need to ramble to no audience, as opposed to almost no audience. You will suffer the torments of the damned for the time being.
1/20something/00 Ladies and gentlemen.... I have nothing to say.
12/17/99 Nothing to report, SIR! Not too much longer now. In, what, two weeks. TWO WEEKS??!?! Two weeks and I'll be heading off across the country. (Less than that until my vacation. Which is also going to be... entertaining. But that's a different, far less permanent thing.) Moving. Moving to Austin. I mean, this isn't going to be the permanent move, but it'll be at least a foretaste of it, and life won't really be the same for the short time that I'm back, either, so I might as well pick that as The Changeover Point. Two weeks. Fourteen days. 336 hours. Still. Not a particularly long time. Scary. On the other hand... I still think I'm doing the right thing. And I'm looking forward to it. Good sign.
12/15/99 People battling. I do not enjoy this. But, I do get my Real Contacts today. Hopefully, I'll be able to see.
12/something like the 13th/99 I am going to turn this into a journal. I have so decided. Journal n. [From the Latin jour, meaning day, and nal, meaning that hell freezes over] A place for Alloni to store random thoughts, meanderings, and ideas, in a forum that nobody ever reads, so as to get him back into the writing game. It's just like my old journal for English class, except that instead of something that my English teacher never read, it'll be something that no one across the world ever reads, though there's the same, faint possibility of notice in either case. (I am operating under the assumption that no one reads my webpagely meanderings, as all my friends looked at my page once, said Ick, and never wandered by again, and anyone else that comes by here would realize fairly quickly that there is very little here outside of me-in-a-dress. I may be wrong. If I am wrong, feel free to let me know. My email address is alloniatpinealdotorg.) So. I used to use Actual Print Writing as my medium. Had that those actual pen-and-paper journals, but it seems I have gotten myself addicted to computer writing of various curious kinds. Emails, and webpages, and little electronica lying around my system. Whether or not this is a good thing, something I have yet to be persuaded of any which way, it is certainly a thing, and I must accomodate it. Thought for the day. I am the only person I know that thinks that the two protagonists of Chasing Amy got back together after the movie. Is this a wrong thing?
Later later. I keep thinking that I'll have to do something with this website. After all, it's pineal.org. It deserves to be dressed up. However. I'm not doing this for the fame or the money. I'm doing it as a place to hold thoughts, bits, and pieces, so it really doesn't need to be anything special. It isn't brilliant, but it isn't My First Home Page either, and there is no list of interests and links, and there isn't going to be one. I think. Even... no, I think I'm going to start being professional and labelling and things. So.
Later. I feel better. Life is life is life is a decent place to be. A tad dull, Just now. Not a lot happening. This will change relatively quickly. In... a month, or so. Irrevocably. Bliss.
Random musings to trouble the subconscious. Or at least, to make it look around uncomprehendingly. What? it says. What is he talking about? Ignore it, it'll all go away eventually. I need a top hat. A foil-lined top hat. One of the popping ones. To protect myself from the mindcontrol beams from space, and to look spiffy while doing it. I badly need a top hat. I'm trying to find the way to This Girl's heart. I say this here, basically, on the offchance that she happens to read it, without my telling her, and knowing that it is her that I speak of, and being so overwhelmed with rapture she moves to wherever-i-happen-to-be-living-then and we live Happily Ever After. This will not happen, since a) she has no chance of reading this, and b) if she did, and did realize (a decent possibility), she'd probably run screaming (or, more precisely, send me a nice email trying to get me to chill out, which comes out to the same thing). Hmph.
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