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Threats

I have decided to send y'all threatening email. So here it is:

Actually, hold on. No threats are complete without an "If you don't". If there isn't then it just is a way of picking a fight, and the lord knows we wouldn't want that around here.

("You mean you pray to..." "My cat. I call him the lord. I am kind to him.")

Money is always a good motivator.

Or jealousy. Or just hatred.

But I think I'll go for the "make threats they have no way to possibly achieve" philosophy.

"You motherless goats!" (It's traditional to start these things off with insults. I mean nothing personal by it.) "If the whole stinking lot of you don't drop down right now, rip out your spleens, and serve them up to me on a silver platter with fava beans and a nice Chianti, I'll go down to each and every one of your homes, rip out your spleens, and eat them on a silver platter, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti!"

I'll need a lot of Chianti. Not that I really like Chianti, it's just the traditional beverage in these circumstances.

We aim to please.

We just have bad aim.